Marriage Counseling: Using Games to Reduce Tension

Marriage is one of the most enjoyable but also one of the most painful experiences that people undergo. It carries with it the whiff of romance and eternal bliss, but sometimes you get a pack of thorns instead.

How Do You Ensure Your Marriage Is a Bed of Roses and not Thorns?
One of the major ingredients that a happy marriage needs is a willingness to compromise. But that is much more difficult than it seems. Everyone will agree that they need to compromise, but what happens when the issue is not a simple and tiny one? What then? Who Compromises first? I am sure you must have said to yourself at one point or another that enough is enough. You will no longer be the patsy. You are an independent person and your partner has crossed the line. Maybe.

Maybe your relationship has died and you are just beginning to realize it. Maybe your sentiments are more passionate than romantic. Maybe you no longer love her.

Stop being a fool!
What if I told you that the solution to your marital strife is not divorce. Am I mad?

Look around. How many divorces do you know? Plenty. Me too. But are they really happier off?

What is the first thing that a divorced person does? He or she goes out and starts looking for partners.

Isn't that strange? No. You say that everybody needs somebody to love. Maybe. I say that they had that somebody and they just let them go. So please stop being foolish.

Why not tackle your problems with a simple suggestion? A Game.

Games as a Peace Maker:
Playing brings out the child in us and causes us to express more than we normally would. We also release bottled up frustration and let go of mental thorns in our outbursts of joy and anguish as we win or lose. Games unite people together and therefore I suggest playing together but if you wish one can play against the other. The game turns into a battle but only this time, after its over, you will both feel refreshed from losing all that bottled up pain and anger.

Games to Pick From:
Try picking games that both of you like or at least somewhat active ones. You could even play hide and seek in the house or something else. If you do prefer playing cards, pick a game which does not go on for long and which requires some thinking like hearts, poker, bridge or rummy. Keep score and determine before hand that the loser has to do something for the winner. Chores is not a prize for the winner! If you lose you have to do something that that the other person wants for themselves like give them their favorite massage or cook them their favorite meal.

Conclusion:
Games are a welcome ambrosia to love and will excite you as a couple to disregard all your frustrations and anger and deal only with the good. The anger and frustrations will not magically disappear, but now you can deal with them together calmly and in a good mood.

Birthday Cards - Right Selection Is Important

All of us are becoming immune to the joy of birthdays. Unless it is our birthday, we show no interest in others to a great extent. Most of us have a list of friends and family members and on their birthday, we search the Internet, pick up an ecard and send it. Our duty is over. If by mistake, we miss the birthday, we will send a belated birthday wishes card. How do we expect to develop and maintain close relations with this kind of approach? Birthday cards can cement any relationship beyond imagination. Please use this occasion to do that. Every birthday comes only once a year. Don’t be sloppy on that day. Be alert and you will get great friends for life. Let us find out more about the magic of birthday cards.

Take the example of your birthday. You open your mailbox and find many ecards or cards sent to you. You begin clicking one after another. One card attract s you very much. After that all other cards for your birthday are forgotten except that one birthday card. Will you not remember the sender with great affection? Will you not love that person for his/her care in selecting a very good ecard and sending it to you? Will you not remember this card till your next birthday and look for the ecard sent by the same person first? That is the difference we make with small details and care.

Small things matter a lot. For us there is only our birthday that is important. For others it is their birthday. On that day, they feel joy. You have to add to that joy with your actions. Put little more effort in selecting the right birthday card and use it to enhance your bond. A small card can make a big difference. You will win a friend for your lifetime. Please pay attention to what others want, and you will get what you want from them.

A Gift for a Graduate

Throughout a person’s life there are certain moments that stand out more than others, engrained in their minds forever. This is a moment of great achievement that is the result of a lot of hard work and determination. For many people, one of these moments is their graduation. The stepping-stone to bigger and better things to come, to new horizons. Sometimes these experiences can be very emotional and exciting.

People hear the word "graduate," and they automatically thin high school. However,, graduates come in all shapes and sizes. Whether the graduate is a university student receiving a degree, a technical or trades student receiving a certificate, a student receiving their black belt or even a student finishing that challenging first year of kindergarten, their success deserves to be acknowledged.

Of course we always want to be there to share the experience with our loved ones and friends, however, many times this is simply not possible. How then can you be at two places at the same time? You can't. Not physically anyway. But why not consider the convenient tool of shopping online. Send a loved one or friend a great unique gift to express your love and pride in their achievement.

Some great example of unique gifts for graduates could be a beautiful flower bouquet, or a fresh flower arrangement celebrating their accomplishment. If sending flowers does not seem to fit, then why not try sending a more unique gift, a gift basket. Gift baskets can cater to one of their personal interests. This is very possible to do by using the Internet and online shopping to our advantage.

You might want to write down these special days on your calendar to ensure that they are not forgotten. Also allow yourself enough time to find the perfect flower bouquet or flower arrangement.

Helping Children Cope with their Parents' Divorce

Not everyone is blessed with a complete and happy family. It is quite acceptable to see broken families, children dealing with step mothers or step fathers, or children dealing with a single parent. Divorce is acquired by most couples who cannot deal with their relationship anymore, or simply cannot work things out between them any longer. When this happens, their children are the ones who suffer the most. They now encounter a state of depression, wherein they tend to think about what they had before as a family, their connection, their close relationship between each other. This often links to even more decrease in their happiness, causing further psychological problems if not dealt with as soon as possible. When dealing with divorce, the couple themselves need to analyze and think of what is going to happen with regards to their shared finances, their house, and most especially the custody of their children. It is critical for each parent to know what the their children are feeling, since this is a state of anxiety not just for them, but also for their kids. Of course, feelings of depression cannot be avoided by everyone, since their lives are about to change, hopefully for the better. But divorce is a hard stage to manage because all family members involved have feelings of anxiety and sometimes depression, which could make things even worse to handle or accept. Children with divorced parents can truly be unpredictable. Some may show optimism by showing that they are independent and mature with regards to their parent's condition. This can be seen when children are of proper age, and can understand this kind of predicament. Others may react differently, showing no emotions whatsoever. This situation must be guarded accordingly, since the child may suffer from anxiety or depression but is not capable of letting it all out yet. In this case, it is wise to let the child into family counseling, a good way to communicate and interact with their thoughts and emotions. In this way, they may be able to express what they are truly feeling about the situation, and the respective counselor can assess the child's behavior and can give an appropriate evaluation of the child. This can really help in finding peace within the child himself, and can also make him easier to accept the unfavorable situation. Younger children requires at least one from the couple to be with them during these kinds of situations since they cannot take care of themselves without having at least a parent nearby. It would be recommended to try and talk to the child in a nice and loving manner, simplifying the events that are taking place. The child needs to know why his parents are not together anymore, so that he may not fall into a state of depression. Giving extra time and effort to the children can be of great help to their emotional healing. Children should be given the attention they need. Being able to communicate well with your children, asking them about their everyday lives, and just to be a part of their life can have a huge impact on their upbringing. Parents should continue to see, talk, and love their children even when the only option to take is divorce.

Laughter: Use It to Pick Up Women

Humour, some say, is the fruit of life, and this is especially true when it comes to picking up on a girl no matter where the location. Make them laugh, and I guarantee, that you are very close to getting their phone number and even to getting them to go out with you. But, as we all know, making them laugh, is easier said than done. Precisely for those who find it difficult to come up with something funny to say, I am adding some funny anecdotes and wise cracks that you can memorize and then use in those situations where you need to get the girl in front of you to laugh. 1) The Prescription: Did you hear of the lady, who walked into the pharmacist and asked for arsenic? The man behind the counter asked in wonder, "What do you need that for? The lady calmly replied," to kill my husband." The pharmacist was taken aback," Are you crazy? Do you want to get us both into jail? And, anyway, why do you want to kill him? Go to a counselor. Get help for your marriage." The lady paused and from her purse she removed a set of pictures of her husband and the wife of the pharmacist in some very creative postures. The pharmacist looked at the snaps, put them down and smiled," lady, why did you not tell me that you have a prescription?" 2) The Tip Book A wife calls out to her husband, "Have you seen the book, 101 Tips to Live for More Than a Hundred Years? The husband sheepishly replies, "I burnt it." "What?" the wife shouted out," why?" The husband whispered back," Because your mother wanted to read it." 3) Range of Food Looking at his wife fry meat balls in all kinds of shapes and sizes, Tom tapped her on the shoulder, "Why?" His wife turned," Because you asked for a variety of food." 4) Mushrooms Tom was picking mushrooms from the forest floor with his wife, when she picked up one and showed it to Tom," Is this for eating?" Tom smiled," Yes. As long as you do not cook it." 5) Driving Around Tom greeted his wife when she returned home," So, my dear, how was your first time driving all alone?" His wife smiled coyly, "Do you want to hear it from me or read about it in the papers? 6) Drama A couple are watching a film in their local theater when the wife snuggles close to her husband and points to the screen," Do you think that they will get married in the end?" The husband sighs," Yes. These movies always have bad endings." 7) The Library Tom visited the local library, walks up to the librarian and asks, "Do you know where I can find the book, the Supremacy of Men over Women?" The librarian conducts a short search on the computer and looks up," you will be able to find it in the science fiction." Conclusion: While some of these might sound offensive, if you use them well you will be able to display not just a sense of humour, but also that you are exactly the opposite of the stereotype. How? Immediately, after you done, lean over and whisper, But I am not like that, and if you allow me to take you out, you will see that for yourself.

Five Steps to Freedom from Worries

Merriam-Webster defines “worry” as a mental distress or agitation that usually comes from something that is both feared and anticipated.  The source of ones worries can either be real or imagined. Worrying causes so much stress and anxiety. We use so much our our mental energy, time, and even resources to control or attempt to manage our worries.  But no matter what we do, these worries don't really give us peace of mind. 

But what does worrying do for us?  Worry is like a dense fog that can cloud our vision and slow us down. It even knocks out our sense of proportion.  When we worry about things that happened in the past, we fail to move on in life.  We also worry about health, money, and other things that have yet to happen --- a situation that causes us even more trouble.

We worry about our careers...bills...house payments...tuition fees...who our kids are dating...the stock market...interest rates...the ozone layer... and even about comets hitting the earth.  Our “enslaving expectations” make us restless and afraid.  Discontentment and worry destroys our personal peace and “eats us alive.”  Being enslaved by worries is like being inside a pressure cooker. It is like living in a state of chronic frustration. Our dissatisfaction also magnifies our weaknesses. 

Another cause for worry is when we needlessly compare ourselves to others or when we are consumed by envy and greed.  Keeping up with the Joneses is another social malady that afflicts so many people.   Insecurity and lack of confidence makes some individuals look and see how “other people's grass is always greener.”   This situation drives them to equal or even surpass other people's material possessions  or social standing.  Worse, they do this using pretense and other inauthentic means of improving their status.  Material gain is not celebrated as proof of financial success but more so as a means not to “look smaller” compared to the neighbors, officemates, and other sources of envy.  

How do we deal with worries, then?

The first step to dealing with worry is to identity what worries you the most. Accepting that you have fears is the first necessary step. 

The second step is to tell yourself that worries are not necessarily logical or rational.  It is important for a worrier to start believing that their worries can be solved.  While having feelings of worry is a valid emotion, a worrier must really decide to start the journey to freedom from fear. 


The third step is to make a sensible plan on how to address those worries.  For example, if your children frequently come home late at night, give your children mobile phones so that you can always keep in touch.  The worrier must take action and correct situations that cause anxiety.

The fourth most important step is to let go.  Letting go is key to overcoming worry and all the stress that comes with it.   Letting go entails having faith that “...God will make things work together for good.”  it does not mean that one gives up in resignation. Letting go is simply entrusting one's work or one's life to a higher power after one has already done the best he or she could under the circumstances.  After you've done everything you could, there is already no point in being in anguish over life's many details and tasks.

Saving Difficult Relationships through Communication

Admit it or not, relationships with others are important to us as human beings. Relationships with parents, siblings, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, professors, roommates, and classmates can bring joy and takes on added significance in our lives. We learn that it is often in or though intimate relationships that our romantic, companionship, and intimacy needs will be met. It is no wonder then, that we find ourselves preoccupied or consumed with pursuing, maintaining, ending, and recovering from the loss of such relationships. While each of these stages of relationships can be difficult and challenging, it is commonly when relationships end or “don't work out” that we struggle the most. Whatever your age and experience, a relationship can bring you new and demanding challenges. Being able to handle conflict and deal with differences is important in maintaining healthy relationships. Everyone who is in a relationship or cares about their relationships may need assistance at some time to help them deal with problems or difficulties in a relationship, learn how to from or improve relationships, cope with a relationship that has broken down and help to change a relationship where there is violence and abuse. All couples experience problems in one form or another --- it's part of sharing your life with another human being. The difference between a healthy relationships that work, and those that don't, is how well couples deal with the challenges and problems they face in their life together. There are reliable tools that can be used to create a healthy relationship, many of which have not been taught in our culture. If you want to have a really healthy relationship, follow these simple guidelines. · Do not expect anyone to be responsible for your happiness. Too often, relationships fail because someone is unhappy and blames their partner for making them feel that way. Make yourself happy first, and then share his or her happiness. · Forgive one another. Forgiveness is a process of ending your anger or resentment towards another individual. It can have the power to transcend all offenses, great and small, and learning to forgive another takes patience, honesty, and respect. When sincerely given freely in a relationship, forgiveness may heal relationships that are suffering. Forgiveness is an act of humility, not one of haughty feelings. · Do not do anything for your partner if it comes with an expectation of reciprocation. The things you do for your partner must always be done because you chose to do them and you wanted to do them. Do not hold your “good deeds” over their head at a later time. Keeping score in a relationship will never work: a person is less likely to notice and value all the contributions of their partner as much as their own. · Be Responsible. Responsible means that you have the ability to respond. It does not mean you are to blame. If you've been rude to your partner, own up to it, and get try to think of ways how you might do it differently and in a positive manner next time. If you are unhappy in your relationship, make an effort to learn how you might create a better relationship for yourself rather than try to change your partner. · Approach your relationship as a learning experience. Each one has important information for you to learn. When a relationship is not working, there is usually a familiar way that we feel while in it. We are attracted to the partner with whom we can learn the most, and sometimes the lesson is to let go of a relationship that no longer serves us. A truly healthy relationship will consist of both partners who are interested in learning and expanding a relationship so that it continues to improve. · Appreciate yourself and your partner. In the midst of an argument, it can be difficult to find something to appreciate. Start by generating appreciation in moments of non-stress, and that way when you need to be able to do it during a stressful conversation, it will be easier. One definition of appreciation is to be sensitively aware so you don't have to be sugar-coating anything; so tell your beloved that you love him or her, and that you don't want to argue but to talk and make it better. Research have shown that people in supportive, loving relationships are more likely to feel healthier, happier, less stress and satisfied with their lives and less likely to have mental or physical health problems or to do things that are bad for their health. People in supportive, loving relationships help each other practically as well as emotionally. Supportive partners share the good times and help each other through the tough ones. Talking and listening are probably the most important skills in a relationship. There'll always be tensions and disagreements, but if you can communicate well, you can overcome almost any problem.