When It is alright to let them decide?

Yesterday I took my son to the barber shop to get his back to school hair cut. As we sat in the barber shop, I reminisced over how much my son has grown. I remember the first time I took him to the barber shop, I had to sit in the barbers chair and have him sit on my lap just so he could stop squirming and get his hair cut. And now look at him, he walks into the barber shop as if it is second nature. True, I still have my moments when I stand by the barber’s chair, and oversee him and my son as they have their “man” talk. But yesterday all that changed. As I went to the barber shop with my son, he ran over to the pictures of hair cuts on the wall and said “mommy, I want this one.” All of the guys laughed at him, jeering him “your mother is not going to let you get that son, not until your older.” But as I looked in Isaiah’s eyes, I couldn’t help it. I had to allow him to have this one decision. For once I was going to step back and let him decide on how he wanted his hair to look. As I swayed past the older men in the shop, to get a closer look at the picture, I couldn’t believe it! My son wanted to get a Mohawk with a spider man design on the side. As I turned around to tell him pick another cut, I remembered the look in his eyes and the excitement on his face as he marched up to the picture and pointed to it and said: “mommy, I want this one.” How could I turn around and tell him no. As he sat in the chair, the barber looked at me, the older men looked at me, and Isaiah looked at me as if they were all waiting for me to yell: STOP, I’m not ready for this, he’s too young to make this choice!” But I just politely smiled and stared back at them and cheered Isaiah on. As I watched him get his hair cut, I began to wonder, at what point do we let our children began to make decisions for themselves? When do we step back and let them take control? Sure this time it was something as minor as a hair cut. But later on who knows what it will be? How do we prepare them to make good decisions? Or to accept the decisions that they’ve made? As parents we always want to hold their hand, choose which path that we assume is the right path for them and watch themhappily march down it. We always want to be the ones who block the bumps, pitfalls, and cover up the spills, but when do we stop? Should we start teaching them decision making skills at at four, five, six? Or do we wait until they get older? After Isaiah got his hair cut and I brought him home, he rushed upstairs to the mirror and looked at his hair cut. I couldn’t quite figure out what he was doing, so innocently I asked “what’s up?” As he turned around to answer me, he had... (read the full article at the link below)

Choosing

It is no secret these days that breastfeeding is best. This information comes at new mothers from every direction. Obstetricians, pediatricians, and parenting magazines all agree that breastfeeding is the way to go. So why are there so many different bottles on the shelves these days? Because not all mother’s are able to breastfeed and those that do, need an occasional evening away from baby. With all the choices out there, it can be difficult to decide which bottle is best. When making your decision you should take into consideration the cost of the bottle, your baby’s preference, and any health problems your child may have. Here is a brief description of the bottles on the market right now. This information should make your decision a little easier...(read the full article at the link below)

An Open Letter To The American Granny

Copyright 2006 Mike Patrick Jr, MD

Dear Granny,

We know you mean well. Really, we do. And we acknowledge that your well-meaning often translates into wonderful actions. You support America's first-time moms with your experienced advice, you volunteer to watch grandkids when they're too sick to attend daycare, and you have taken on the noble responsibility of raising grandchildren fulltime when their parents are sick or neglectful or imprisoned. What's more, you take on this job at a time when you should be enjoying the freedom of retirement. For these actions, we salute you. Really, we do.

However, it has come to our attention that at other times your well-meaning has turned into persistent nagging. In an effort to protect your grandchildren from the idiocy of their parents, you have gone overboard. Now before you dismiss our complaint as the ramblings of a bunch of disrespectful youngins, please allow us to describe a few concrete examples of the problem.

Let's start with diet. Could you please limit your complaints to once a month? We know full well that you believe Little Johnny is starving. But you know what? We don't share your concern. It's okay if you feel his ribs. In case you haven't noticed, there's a bit of a weight problem in America today. Surprised? You shouldn't be. After all, how many years did you pile on the food and tell us to clean our plates? Our pediatrician tells us it's healthy for toddlers to graze--as long as they get a healthy diet with all the food groups over the course of several days. Eating only when you're hungry and stopping when you're full is a good habit to foster. Feeling guilty about throwing out left-overs is not. Sure, there are starving kids in other parts of the world. You taught us that. What we didn't get was the connection between our table scrap and those starving kids. Were you going to box up the left-overs and send them to Africa? No. So please forgive us for skipping that lesson.

Next, let's talk feet. So what if they turn in or point out a little? We'll show our doctor and we'll let him do an examine. If he says they're fine, we're going with that, and we wish you would too. Look, we understand back in your day kids wore special shoes and braces to straighten out their feet. But lots of other kids didn't get those special shoes and braces. And you know what? Most of their feet straightened out just fine. Those that didn't straighten out completely had few long-term problems. Most could walk and run and jump and skip just fine. Our doctor will keep an eye on the feet, and if he's concerned he'll send us to an orthopedic specialist. You voiced your concern. We heard it. Now, please, drop it.

One more example: Ears. The infections aren't our fault. We don't smoke around Little Johnny, and he doesn't go to daycare anymore (since you agreed to watch him). Our pediatrician says those two things are the biggest ones we can control. The ear infections aren't from water or wind or change of weather. They're from mouth bacteria that get into the middle ear through the Eustachian tube, a natural connection between the throat and ear. Little Johnny has a floppy Eustachian tube. Bacteria go up the tube and get trapped when the tube flops closed. Add a little mucus from smoke or allergies or viral infections, and the situation gets worse. You can't get rid of the mouth bacteria--they're supposed to be there. Get rid of them and you'll invite thrush to grow, and we don't want that either. We'll keep doing the antibiotics as long as our doctor tells us to, and when he suggests surgery, we'll go with that. The antibiotics don't stain teeth or stunt growth. Sure, antibiotic resistance is a problem. We understand that. We appreciate your keeping up with the medical literature. Still, if our doc says it's best to stick with them, that's what we'll do.

As we draw this letter to a close, please understand our aim is not to offend. After all, you were an excellent parent. You raised us. You have lots of experienced advice to share. But let's face it, raising four kids is not the same as seeing 30-40 kids a day. Our pediatrician's advice wins over yours. You may not agree with him. That's fine. But please, let it go and stop nagging us.

Love always,

Your Children