Matchmaking for Marriage Relationship (II)

<b>Why employing matchmaking service</b>
   
Different people would have different reasons when going for matchmakers or matchmaking service. But certainly they have one common ground -- they are all serious love and marriage seekers desperately looking for long-term love and marriage relationships.

The following quotes nearly summarize almost all overt reasons why nowadays more and more people are employing matchmakers or matchmaking service:

"...Tired of chance meetings: Compatible Introductions will introduce you to many more compatible people that you could ever meet by chance in a relatively short period of time.
Time is a precious commodity in the 21st century: You don't want to waste time meeting people who have nothing in common with you.
Safety: All of our members are carefully pre-screened. We meet and interview all our new members personally.
Personalized and individual: we always inform you in advance personally before you are introduced to a compatible member.
No 'blind date': you see the person in a color photo before you are going to me.
Ready for Commitment: Our members are sincerely interested in finding a compatible mate.
You are selective: You want to know whom you are going to meet in advance.
You achieved your professional goals... now is the time to focus on your personal goals..."

"...Matchmaking services are a perfect alternative to pubs and clubs ... completely confidential and you know you are meeting genuine singles who are prepared to invest cash to meet someone suitable for a relationship or friendship..."

"...discreet, safe and caring way of finding a real relationship in today's uncertain environment..."

"...Most busy professionals don't have the time and resources for meeting other single, successful people outside of their own office, industry or social circle. A matchmaker has unique access to quality people.
A personal matchmaker can screen and pre-qualify the right matches for you similar to the way an executive recruiter screens candidates for a specific job.
It's all about TARGET MARKETING.
Sometimes, single people are guilty of selecting Mr. or Mrs. wrong over and over again. A matchmaker keeps you from repeating the same pitfalls of the past.
A personal matchmaker provides the privilege of a wide variety of choices. It's a 'numbers' game, but working with a matchmaker, there's an ongoing supply of highly desirable people to choose from.
It's more dignified and safe. You don't have to suffer the awkward indignity of blind dating or barhopping. With a matchmaker, you are guaranteed to meet people who you want to meet and who want to meet you one-on-one.
No more singles events, clubs or mixers with no guarantee of who you meet and/or if they'll measure up. A matchmaker caters to commitment-minded single men and women. Whether the goal is marriage or an exclusive relationship, an introduction service takes you beyond simply meeting new people. Its sole purpose is to introduce you to a sufficient number of pre-screened individuals who are more likely to be suitable matches.
A matchmaker represents many intangible aspects of a person's identity beyond what a simple photo and vital statistics could ever convey. And nobody likes the arrogance of someone tooting his or her own horn. Instead of bragging about yourself and all that you have to offer, let the experts do it for you in a much more objective and credible way..."

"Quality Singles... introduces you to great people you'd never meet on your own.
No Games - Online chat seldom works... for people who truly want to meet someone special and don't have time to play games.
Meet Serious Singles...don't just want to date. They are interested in meaningful long-term relationships."

Marriage Counseling: Using Games to Reduce Tension

Marriage is one of the most enjoyable but also one of the most painful experiences that people undergo. It carries with it the whiff of romance and eternal bliss, but sometimes you get a pack of thorns instead.

How Do You Ensure Your Marriage Is a Bed of Roses and not Thorns?
One of the major ingredients that a happy marriage needs is a willingness to compromise. But that is much more difficult than it seems. Everyone will agree that they need to compromise, but what happens when the issue is not a simple and tiny one? What then? Who Compromises first? I am sure you must have said to yourself at one point or another that enough is enough. You will no longer be the patsy. You are an independent person and your partner has crossed the line. Maybe.

Maybe your relationship has died and you are just beginning to realize it. Maybe your sentiments are more passionate than romantic. Maybe you no longer love her.

Stop being a fool!
What if I told you that the solution to your marital strife is not divorce. Am I mad?

Look around. How many divorces do you know? Plenty. Me too. But are they really happier off?

What is the first thing that a divorced person does? He or she goes out and starts looking for partners.

Isn't that strange? No. You say that everybody needs somebody to love. Maybe. I say that they had that somebody and they just let them go. So please stop being foolish.

Why not tackle your problems with a simple suggestion? A Game.

Games as a Peace Maker:
Playing brings out the child in us and causes us to express more than we normally would. We also release bottled up frustration and let go of mental thorns in our outbursts of joy and anguish as we win or lose. Games unite people together and therefore I suggest playing together but if you wish one can play against the other. The game turns into a battle but only this time, after its over, you will both feel refreshed from losing all that bottled up pain and anger.

Games to Pick From:
Try picking games that both of you like or at least somewhat active ones. You could even play hide and seek in the house or something else. If you do prefer playing cards, pick a game which does not go on for long and which requires some thinking like hearts, poker, bridge or rummy. Keep score and determine before hand that the loser has to do something for the winner. Chores is not a prize for the winner! If you lose you have to do something that that the other person wants for themselves like give them their favorite massage or cook them their favorite meal.

Conclusion:
Games are a welcome ambrosia to love and will excite you as a couple to disregard all your frustrations and anger and deal only with the good. The anger and frustrations will not magically disappear, but now you can deal with them together calmly and in a good mood.

How Long Has It Been Since You Last Spent Time Together As A Family?

We are busy people. Every one has his or her own life to live, a job to take care of, mouths to feed, dreams to work hard for...and in the hustle and bustle of life, we tend to forget we belong to a family.

I was dumbstruck when I first knew that my sister who was older than me by 3 years had been diagnosed with breast cancer. All at once, life seemed to be so short and mortal. When I heard this news, my mind seemed to go back in time, rewinding back the moments I have had with my sister when we were young. There she was then, still a student nurse in England, while I was in secondary school. She was the one who remembered my birthday, sending me a present by parcel post, making my day. Gosh! It has been such a long time I have had spent time with my sister again. It has been years!

Indeed, when was it the last time you have had made an effort to spend time with your loved ones - perhaps your wife, or your parents, your brothers and sisters...or your closest friends?

We need to let the hustle and bustle of life move on their own, and get back a semblance of what is called "relationship". We must let the many voices of the world that draw us away from the togetherness and love of family and close friends to fade away in the background.

You will find the togetherness that can come from being with a loved one to really fill a vacuum of personal bonding to be very real when you make a conscious effort to be with him or her.

Do not let the voices of the world drown those bonds, but strive to establish bonds of love and togetherness with members of your family.

To me, it is time to make that telephone call to all the members of my family and to make the first step to renew those bonds. What about you?

Consultar con la familia es una buena opcion

Para lograr muchas cosas en la vida se necesita ser valiente y saber ganar o perder. Hay sueños que se logran solo haciendo sacrificios y muchas veces defraudando a quienes nos quieren. Hay otros muchos que no se animan a realizar sus sueños por temor a que alguien salga lastimado.

Cada padre piensa en sus hijos, y quiere para el ellos lo mejor, pero a veces piensan que los hijos pueden cumplir sus sueños frustrados y los impulsan a un mundo que ni siquiera es lo que los hijos quieren, a un mundo desconocido por los hijos y que puede que el no quiera vivir allí. A veces con el simple hecho de imponerles la religión y otras cosas hacen que los hijos se vayan de sus casas y salgan a cumplir sus sueños y vivir otras cosas. A los hijos no hay que imponerles sino hay que sugerirles y ayudarlos a que vayan por el camino del bien, pero a veces por prohibir algo eso es lo que ellos hacen más rápido.

Esto quiere decir que en el intento hay una posibilidad de decepcionar a sus padres, amigos o seres queridos que esperaban de este ciertas cosas que no puede darles. Tal vez porque tú no piensas como ellos y además no comparten los mismos gustos. Hay personas de familias religiosas que sus hijos no comparten los mismos gustos y que prefieren no orar y no practicar la religión de sus padres y están en su derecho ya que cada quien es libre se elegir en lo que quiere creer.

Los hijos deben persistentes con sus planes y sueños y saber que su felicidad esta en juego, por lo tanto deben pensar que pueden herir a alguien pero por otro lado van a alcanzar las metas que se propusieron desde un principio. Para los padres es un golpe muy fuerte ver a sus hijos alejarse de sus casas pero ellos deben entender que es por un bien ya que cada uno debe vivir sus propias experiencias.

En situaciones como estas, siéntense y piensen con cabeza fría en lo que quieren hacer y luego si decidan. Es fundamental creer en uno mismo y saber que pueden lograr sus objetivos sin tener que hacer cosas que no quieren por respeto a tus padres. Piensen que es su futuro, mas no el futuro de los padres.

Todos y cada uno de nosotros tenemos sentimientos y podemos salir lastimados en cualquier momento, pero los padres deben entender que si la felicidad de sus hijos esta en salir y vivir nuevas experiencias, deben permitirlo, en fin sal, disfruta de nuevas experiencias pero recuerda escribir de vez en cuando.

Citas a Ciegas

Para todo aquel que busque encontrar su alma gemela, media naranja, amor, enamorarse, un compañero de emociones o como quieras llamarlo es algo difícil de encontrar. Para algunos desde ya no es algo complicado, les ha pasado a los 15 años, 18, 22, en fin ya comparten el día y la mayor parte de sus vidas con alguien desde hace mucho. A otros, sin embargo les es más complicado y duro de encontrar.

La experiencia de las citas a ciegas es algo inolvidable, bueno o malo puede ser interesante. Como dicen, la experiencia es cuando no encuentras lo que buscas. Sin embargo hay casos en que esta experiencia se vuelve en lo que uno busca.

Si eres de aquellos que creen en que un amigo, familia o alguien que te conoce puede llegar a tener a alguien con el cual encuentres lo que buscas, la pregunta es ¿Por qué no probar?

En mi caso personal, experimente varias citas a ciegas y amigas mías también lo hicieron. Algunas fueron sorprendentes, en el sentido de buenas y otras de malas. Es como un juego de ruleta una pequeña probabilidad en muchas de que salgas feliz o que algo interesante salga de ello.

Una amiga de mi mama quiso que conozca al hermano de su nuera. Cuando llegue al lugar de la cita y lo vi, rápidamente me di cuenta de que no era para mi pero quizás podía pasar un buen rato. El chico, trajo consigo un poema que había escrito y quería decírmelo. Era una situación muy rara e incomoda ya que el y yo no concordábamos en nada y no teníamos nada que ver. El problema era que la amiga de mi mama no me conocía tanto, y creía que si. Es por eso que la cita no funciono.

En el caso de mi hermana, al mudarse a un país nuevo la única forma de conocer gente y chicos era por medio de citas. Lo gracioso de la historia es que la señora de la lavandería le propuso salir con su hijo y ella acepto. Al llegar a la cita el chico tenía labio leporino y era nada atractivo en su aspecto. Mi hermana no podía disimular no mirar a su labio y en el medio de la cita encontró a otro chico en la mesa de enfrente que le gusto.

Mi amigo, que es gay y yo salimos hace unas semanas a una fiesta con una amiga mía. Los dos se hicieron amigos y ella le comento que tiene un amigo de su clase de la universidad que también es gay y es muy lindo. Entonces arreglaron que por que no se conocían. AL final de la noche intercambiaron teléfonos y quedo ella en hablar con su amigo. Su amigo acepto y se llamaron. Al encontrarse los dos no tenían nada de lo que hablar y el otro para hacer la cita más corto no pudo disimular su desinterés y hacia todo rápido para irse antes.

En fin, las citas a ciegas son algo que debes hacer si la persona que los conecta los conoce bien y puede llegar a saber que te gustara de la otra persona o que buscas. Sin embargo no hay certeza de que saldrás contento de una forma u otra. Puede pasar que de casualidad la persona te encante y que si tienes la mente abierta saldrás ganando.

Bons Plans pour Mariage Express

Encore jeune et pas fortuné, pourquoi se privez de ce que la vie vus offre de plus précieux pour fonder une famille? Le mariage.

Alors qu'un mariage sur le vieux continent s'évalue entre 10 000 et 15 000 euros, las Vegas vous offre des prestations pour dix fois moins cher, et en plus sortant de l'ordinaire.

Que vous faut il faire. Bon, d'accord, il faut acheter le billet, mais ensuite?
Ensuite rien de plus simple, rendez vous au Bureau des Mariages (Clark County Marriage License - 201 Clark Avenue Las Vegas, NV 89155 - Tel. (702) 671-0600) munis des papiers suivants: carte d'identité prouvant que vous avez plus de 18 ans, en cas de précédent divorce, n'oubliez pas de prendre avec vous la copie de votre acte de divorce.

Ensuite, c'est à vous de voir.
Une simple cérémonie civile au Bureau des Mariages vous coûtera qu'une cinquantaine de dollars et ne durera qu'une demie heure.

Les célèbres chapelles long du Las Vegas strip reconnaissables par leur jardins de roses vous offres des services pour une somme comprise entre $200 et 500 dollars qui regroupent un forfait de mariage comprenant l'utilisation de la chapelle, la cérémonie de mariage, des fleurs, de la musique et des photos. Les forfaits plus coûteux comprennent plus d'extras comme le transfert depuis votre hôtel en limousine ou Elvis Presley comme témoin.

Ou encore, les casinos. Selon le thème que vous désirez pour votre mariage, rendez-vous soit l'hôtel Excalibur pour un médiéval,sinon MGM Grand a un mariage en montagnes russes, Treasure Island offre un mariage de pirates à bord de son bateau HMS Brittania et le Las Vegas Hilton propose un mariage Star Trek à bord du vaisseau spatial Enterprise avec des témoins Klingon et des invités Ferengi. Les prix varient alors de de 350 $ à 3500 $, voir d'avantage. Mais vous étes tout prets des salles de blackjack et des machines à sous.

Pour la Lune de Miel, en panne d'idées ou de sous? Pourquoi ne pas faire un tour du monde depuis Las Vegas?

Las Vegas, autre ses casinos, vous permet en effet de découvrir les sept merveilles du monde en un clin d'oeil. Vous voulez Paris et le charme de ses cafés? Pas de problème, rendez-vous au Paris Las Vegas! Ici, des votre arrivée, la Tour Eiffel, l'Arc de triomphe sans oublier le célèbre opéra Garnier vous accueillent a bras ouverts!Dans une architecture très Franchie style Haussmannien, vous retrouvez toutes les spécialités françaises et européennes au sein de ses fameux restaurants, sans oublier son casino.

Envie subite de vous dépayser. Rendez-vous Venetian! A Venise et ses gondoles... Quelle femme digne de ce nom ne souhaiterait pas passez sa lune de miel dans ce décor pittoresque, et rêvasser comme une jeune fille a l'aube de ses 20 ans, en attendant Casanova... Venez vous détendre au Venetian. Cet hôtel recrée pour vous les fameux canaux, les gondoles, les palais vénitiens et la réplique de la Piazza San Marco. Elégance et raffinement caractérisent le Venetian et ses 3000 chambres. Le Venetian abrite également une superbe galerie d'art avec le Guggenheim Hermitage Museum. Et pour découvrir encore plus de l'Italie, direction le Tuscany Suites Casino

Pour les nostalgiques d'Astérix et Obelix et du fameux Ave César, précipitez vous vite au Caesar's Palace! Conçue sur le modèle de la Rome antique, le Caesar's Palace accueille également des championnats du monde de boxe et des grands spectacles de vedette.

Envie de vous retrouvez sur une île paradisiaque? Essayer le Tahiti! Ses bananiers, les tropiques et les plages de sable fin, Pourquoi trop attendre.

Alors, qu'attendez vous pour passer la bague au doigt?

Birthday Flowers Buy Your Birthday Flowers Online!

Birthday flowers are a very inexpensive way to maintain an old tradition, that many people are unaware of. Below is a list of the months of the year along with the corresponding birthday flowers. Think about giving birthday flowers as a sign of good luck at the next birthday party on your calendar. Flowers are great way to show someone you care, just like Mother's Day flowers are given, with Birthday Gifts flowers can also be a welcome gift.
Did you know these fun facts about some of the birthday traditions around the world?

Greeks would take cakes to the temple of the goddess of the moon, Artemis, and round cakes were used to represent the full moon. Candles were used on these Greek cakes to represent the fantastic glowing moon.
Some Germans used one large candle in the center of the cake to represent the "light of life." The smoke from the candles being blown out would carry their wishes to heaven, and blowing out all the candles at once would bring good luck.

Another tradition that is believed to bring good luck is the giving of birthstones, birthday flowers, or colors used to represent birth months.
An interesting birthday custom from Japan is that they used to celebrate all birthdays on January 1st, however, that tradition has been lost as most Japanese now celebrate on their true birthday.

A tradition that is over 3000 years old is the Mexican tradition of having Piñatas decorated with paper and with flowers, filled with candles and treats that the children hit with a stick until it is broken open.

It is believed that Europe is the place of origin of how common birthday parties. It was believed that evil spirits were attracted to people on their birthday. Family and friends would gather together to surround the birthday person with good thoughts and wishes to protect them from harm. Giving gifts at these "parties" was also believed to generate more good cheer and ward off these evil spirits.

Giving flowers today on someone's birthday is an easy and convenient way to show that you care. Birthday flowers can be purchased fast easy and cheap with our online services.

A Clothing Optional Vacation - Give A Unique Father's Day Gift

If your husband is like most men, he is the hardest person to buy gifts for. How many new ties, power tools, or bottles of liquor does he really need? Here's a great idea for a gift this Father's Day - a vacation at a clothing optional resort.

Sound far fetched? Not really. Nude recreation is the fastest growing segment of the travel industry. It is a booming travel niche with over $400 million in annual revenues reported by USA Today newspaper. In a recent Roper poll, 25% of Americans have gone skinny dipping in mixed company. You may have already done this when you were young. Now is the time to recapture that lost freedom of your youth.

Traditionally, Americans had to go to Europe or the Caribbean to find upscale topless, nudist, or naturist resorts. In the U.S., most nude places were just rustic campgrounds, the old style "nudist colonies" that movies like the Pink Panther showed. But, in the last decade, the U.S. has now surpassed the rest of the world and has some of the finest clothing optional resorts around.

American clothing optional resorts cater to different customers. Many are still the rustic campgrounds where families with their kids go on the weekends. However, in Florida and Palm Springs, California, you will now find nudist resorts that are able to compete with the best regular 4 and 5 star resorts. Nudism in America has now grown up and some of these new resorts are considered the best in the world.

One of the most popular of these new upscale nude resorts is The Terra Cotta Inn Clothing Optional Resort and Spa. It is very popular as it was the first upscale boutique clothing optional resort to cater just to couples. So, leave the kids with the grandparents or baby sitter an be prepared to be spoiled and pampered. The press reports it is the most mainstream nudist resort in the U.S. It is truly clothing optional. Although, repeat guests go there to go nude sunbathing, sometimes "first timers" are nervous and need some time to ease into nude sunbathing. The Terra Cotta Inn is perfect for couples trying nude sunbathing for the first time. There is never any pressure. Guests go nude as soon as they feel comfortable. And everyone always feels comfortable as 99% of the guests go nude sunbathing. The Terra Cotta Inn is located in sunny Palm Springs, California. http://palmsprings.com This beautiful resort community averages 340 days of sunshine a year and is the sunniest city in America. It has world championship golf, casinos, shopping, theater, and more. Everything anyone could ask for on their vacation.

Who takes clothing optional vacations? Everyone! People have been nude sunbathing for centuries. Even one of our founding fathers, Ben Franklin was a major advocate of nude sunbathing. Now that some nude resorts have gone upscale, more and more people are discovering the fun of nude recreation. Nude sunbathers range from their 20's to 70's in age. They are teachers, nurses, doctors, lawyers, engineers, accountants, police, firefighters, movie stars, Democrats and Republicans, etc. They are everyone. What they all have in common is they wanted to try something new. They were tired of the same old boring, stuffy vacations at chain hotels, They wanted to experience something different. Nude recreation is perfect. It is a great way to add excitement to a marriage or relationship. It is very romantic. Everyone feels comfortable at clothing optional resorts because guests are screened first and everyone knows that they are not wild, orgy places. Romantic? Absolutely! But, everyone always behaves themselves around others. So it is a very safe environment for couples. And once you have stayed at a clothing optional resort, you are hooked for life. For instance, a recent TV Travel show called "Ultimate Hotels" just reported that one clothing optional resort averages just over 75% repeat guests which is one the highest repeat guest rates in the travel industry.

Why go to a clothing optional resort? You go to relax and have fun. Marie Claire Magazine in an article about nudity and body image sent a reporter to a clothing optional resort. She reported, "After a hours of lounging and chatting, I started to feel totally relaxed with both myself and my new environment... As the weekend progressed, I became more and more comfortable being naked and I sure didn't miss the pressure of picking out something to wear every morning! But most of all, I found myself feeling less critical about my body. In fact, since it was clear nobody there cared about body size, I found myself being less self-critical overall- and naturally more health-conscious." And you will have so much fun. At many of the best clothing optional resorts, you get to meet vacationers from around the world. Many life long friendships are started up from guests chatting with each other. Without wearing clothes, people are just naturally more free and friendly.

So this Father's Day, or any day for that matter, if you are looking for a new vacation experience, contact a clothing optional resort and make your next vacation a fun, nude vacation

What’s Love Got to do With it?

The following is an excerpt from the book The Culture Code by Clotaire Rapaille Published by Broadway Books; June 2006;$24.95US/$32.95CAN; 0-7679-2056-2 Copyright © 2006 Clotaire Rapaille I held imprinting sessions all over the country searching for the Code for love. During these sessions, I asked participants to focus on the word “love” without specifying whether I meant romantic love, parental love, sibling love, love of country, love of pets, or even love of a sports team. When I guided participants back to their first imprint though, a vast majority of them went to the same place. “My first experience with the word love, or related to love, was when I was four or five. In the kitchen, mother was preparing a cake, my favorite cake, a cheesecake. The smell was the smell of love. She opened the oven and I told her, ‘I love you!’ She closed the oven, came to give me a kiss, and told me, ‘I love you, too.’ Then she gave me a big portion of the cake and I knew she really meant it when she said, ‘I love you’.” -- 40-year-old man “Mother loved us so much, she cooked all Thanksgiving day. She was so happy to see her family all together again, around the table, eating . . . so much love around the table, so much food. We could not stop eating.” -- 36-year-old woman “When you are little, parents are there to care for and protect you. You have no care or worries. If something bad happens, your family is there for you. I miss this protection.” -- 58-year-old woman “The best way to describe my parents’ room is a nest. The carpet was light brown and the walls were blue. The bed was in the center of the room and had a huge white comforter. It was on this bed that I sat with my mother as a child and asked her about the world.” -- 21-year-old man “I remember lying in my mother’s lap in my early years. I remember talking with my mother and sharing caresses.” -- 65-year-old man Consistently, participants related their first experience of love to their mother’s care -- feeding them, holding them, making them feel safe. This is entirely understandable. After all, for nine months, our mothers provide us with the most perfect “resort hotel” imaginable. The room service is first-rate and available immediately upon demand, the space is neither too hot nor too cold, transportation is free, and there’s even a musical backdrop (her heartbeat) for entertainment. And even though we ultimately must leave this vacation paradise, our mothers are there for us to guide us through the transition, feeding us with their bodies, keeping us coddled and warm, taking us out to see the world, and providing numerous ways for us to occupy our time and delight in the act of learning. The nature of these responses was very consistent with the thinking of an adolescent culture. Adolescents, after all, flit from pressing for independence to acting like children throughout this period of their lives. When in the latter mode, they seek the succor (inwardly if not outwardly) of their mothers, the safe harbor provided by that all-encompassing love. Then there is the former mode, the mode that demands a rejection of home and the right to make one’s own mistakes. When I asked participants to recall their most powerful memories of love, different stories emerged. “I went to college. I was so happy. Free at last. But it did not go so well. First time I started drinking, I could not stop. Then I don’t know what happened next, I was so sick. None of the boys who were after me the night before were there to help me.” -- 50-year-old woman “I was 13 and I liked a boy but he liked someone else. This taught me a big lesson because I thought that I was prettier than her and she was fat, but I was spoiled and sometimes mean.” -- 24-year-old woman “My most powerful experience is when my parents decided to separate. I found out eavesdropping on their discussions late at night. Things were tense, but everyone wanted to be normal.” -- 37-year-old man “I have an image of a white beautiful horse and a blonde beautiful woman in a flowing crepe-like dress with a lush green forest and waterfall and a handsome man meeting and embracing her. I long to be that woman.” -- 38-year-old woman This was a different component of the adolescent experience: the part where experimentation leads to exhilaration and disappointment, to success and failure. The vast majority of these stories expressed some level of discomfort, of uneasiness with the events described, much in the way an adolescent describes experiences he doesn’t like and doesn’t understand. Remember, these stories were about the most powerful memory of love. Perhaps the most significant element of the adolescent experience, however, is the loss of innocence. There comes a point in every adolescent’s life when he realizes his ideals aren’t as gilded as they once seemed. This realization usually leads to new maturity and the acquisition of new coping tools. It also often comes, though, with a sense of disillusionment. When participants wrote of their most recent memory of love, they repeatedly told the story of lost ideals. “I know what boys want. They say they love you, but I know what they want.” -- A 35-year-old woman “I have three children from three different fathers who died in drive-by shootings. Before I die, I want once again to have a baby, to feed him, to love him, and to be loved unconditionally.” -- A 15-year old woman “I purchased a diamond for my girlfriend. I recall her taking it off in the car while we were arguing and I became infuriated. I took the ring and threw it out the window. I told her since it meant so little to her I threw it away.” -- 31-year-old man These three sets of stories -- the first imprint, the most powerful memory, and the most recent memory -- revealed a distinctly American pattern. Participants spoke repeatedly about the desire for love, the need for love, the belief in something called “True Love,” but they also spoke consistently about being disappointed in this quest. A very large percentage of the “most recent memory” stories spoke of loss, bitterness, and sadness. When it comes to love, Americans -- regardless of their ages -- view love the way an adolescent views the world: as an exciting dream that rarely reaches fulfillment. The American Culture Code for love is FALSE EXPECTATION. Without question, losing at love is an international experience. Even in cultures where marriages are arranged and courtship is rare, there are tales of forbidden love and the sad consequences when that love dies. In older cultures, though -- ones that passed through adolescence centuries ago -- the unconscious message about the expectations for love are very different. In France, the concepts of love and pleasure are intertwined. The French consider the notions of true love and “Mr. Right” irrelevant. The refinement of pleasure is paramount and romance is a highly sophisticated process. Love means helping your partner achieve as much pleasure as possible, even if this requires finding someone else to provide some of this pleasure. French couples can of course be devoted to one another, but their definition of devotion differs greatly from the American definition (fidelity, for instance, is not paramount) and their expectations are set accordingly. The Italians believe that life is a comedy rather than a tragedy and that one should laugh whenever possible. They expect love to contain strong dimensions of pleasure, beauty, and, above all, fun. If love becomes too dramatic or too hard, it is unsatisfying. The Italian culture centers very strongly on family and Italians put their mothers up on pedestals. To them, true love is maternal love. Therefore, their expectations for romantic love are lower. Men romance women, but seek true love from their mothers. Women believe that the best way to express and experience love is by becoming mothers. A man is “Mr. Right” as long as he provides a child. The Japanese offer perhaps the best illustration of the differences in attitudes toward love between an adolescent culture and an older culture. Japanese men and women often ask me to describe how westerners marry. I tell them that a young man meets a young woman (often one younger than he is himself) and they begin the process of getting to know one another. If he happens to fall deeply in love, the man will ask the woman to marry him, and if she loves him as well, she will say yes. (Obviously, it’s more complicated that this in practice, but I get the main points across this way.) Stunned expressions always meet this description. “The man is young?” the Japanese questioner will say. “If he is young, how can he possibly have enough experience to make a decision of this type? Only his parents can know what kind of marriage is appropriate for him and will allow him to raise the best family. And you say the woman is younger. That means she is even less experienced than he is!” They save their greatest contempt, though, for the notion that westerners marry for love. “Love is a temporary disease,” they tell me. “It is foolish to base something as important as the creation of a family on something so temporary.” This is still the prevalent sensibility in Japan today, even though the “content” of the Japanese culture has changed. While Japanese teens might date more often than their parents did and might spend more time meeting up at clubs, most marriages are still arranged, and few have anything to do with romance. While this all might sound terribly harsh to American ears, there is at least some logic in this sentiment. While nearly half of all American marriages end in divorce, the Japanese divorce rate is less than 2%. This is not to suggest that older cultures automatically have a clearer vision of the world. In fact, as you will see over the course of this book, there are many instances where the “adolescent” approach is the more effective one. When it comes to love, however, it is obvious that the American culture is currently in an uneasy place. A woman searches for “Mr. Right” because she believes the stories she reads in books or watches at the movies, finds someone she believes she can “change” into her ideal man, and disappointedly sees her efforts fail. A man searches for “Ms. Perfect” for many of the same reasons, finds a woman who excites him, believes it will stay this way forever, and becomes disappointed when motherhood takes her interests elsewhere. This quest for perfection is, of course, on Code -- our cultural unconscious compels us to have unrealistically high standards for love. However, as that 50% divorce rate indicates, the Code isn’t making our lives easier. Here is a case where an understanding of the Code can help those frustrated by love to go off Code in a productive manner. If you realize your unconscious expects you to fail, you can begin to look at love with more sensible goals. While understanding and respecting the tug to find “Mr. Right” or “Ms. Perfect,” one can look for someone who can be a partner, a friend, and a caring lover who can’t possibly fulfill all of one’s needs. A prominent diamond company deals with the Code in a distinctive fashion. One component of its marketing focuses on the “false expectations” the American subconscious feels about love: its ads feature couples using diamonds to profess their forever love or to confirm their commitment after years together. Another component of its marketing, however, deals with the consequences of false expectations in a clever manner: highlighting the investment and re-sale value of diamonds. Both campaigns are strongly on Code, addressing our undying belief in the permanence of romantic love and providing a useful benefit when that belief fails to pan out. Excerpted from The Culture Code by Clotaire Rapaille Copyright © 2006 by Clotaire Rapaille. Excerpted by permission of Broadway, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher. Author Dr. Clotaire Rapaille is the chairman of Archetype Discoveries Worldwide and has used this decoding approach for thirty years.. He is the personal adviser to ten high-ranking CEOs and is kept on retainer by fifty Fortune 100 companies. He has been profiled in many national media outlets, including 60 Minutes II and on the front page of the New York Times Sunday Styles section. He lives in Tuxedo Park, New York.

The Five Best Gifts to Give Your Family

When we think of giving gifts, we usually think of things to buy for people. Yet if you think back on gifts you’ve been given, it might not be the material gifts you received that are foremost in your mind – it might be the kind of gifts that deeply touched your heart and soul. It might be various ways, other than material things, that people expressed their love to you. There are five gifts of love that we can give to our families that can make a huge difference in their lives. THE GIFT OF CARING AND COMPASSION We all yearn to feel cared for, yet many of us withhold caring and compassion for others. A profound gift we can give to our loved ones is to listen with our heart, to understand and accept rather than to judge, and to stay open to learning rather than to protect against being hurt. Think about the last time someone actually listened to you and gave you understanding and acceptance. The feeling of being understood and accepted with caring and compassion is one of the best feelings in the world. Instead of focusing on getting this from others, why not focus on giving it to others? You might be surprised at how wonderful you feel in giving this gift to your family. THE GIFT OF COURAGE One of the best gifts we can give our loved ones is our own courage. This means being having the courage to stand in our truth, to be honest about what we want and don’t want, what we will do and won’t do, what is and what is not acceptable to us. It means having the courage to take good care of ourselves, even if others don’t like it. It means not succumbing to our controlling behaviors that come from fear: anger, withdrawal, compliance, resistance, but instead being honest and above-board about ourselves. It means being willing to face conflict rather than give ourselves up to avoid it. When we have the courage to face conflict and tell the truth, we not only provide our family with a role model for courage, but we provide opportunities for our loved ones to step up to the plate in the face of our truth and learn to be courageous too. THE GIFT OF SERVICE We are on this planet to learn to love ourselves and each other, and to help each other. One of the best gifts we can give our family is to role model this by doing service. Helping others fills the heart and soul in ways that nothing else can. If children do not see their parents doing service and helping others, they may never learn the great joy and fulfillment that comes from giving. One of the best gifts we can give to our family is to provide ways of doing service. THE GIFT OF CREATIVITY All of us are born with various ways of expressing our creativity. Expressing creativity is a profound way of connecting with Spirit, since expressed creativity is a direct expression of Spirit. Providing your family with many ways of expressing their creativity is a great gift. Creativity can be expressed in so many ways – cooking, crafts, building things, music, art, movement, telling stories, writing, humor, photography and video – the possibilities are endless! Creative family projects are especially wonderful in creating family closeness. THE GIFT OF LIGHTNESS OF BEING Lightness of being – fun, joy, laughter, playfulness – is a great gift to give to others. Lightness of being is infectious – our laughter and playfulness can help others take life less seriously and “lighten up.” Lightness of being is one the results of all the other gifts – of caring, courage, service and creativity. When we give these gifts, we feel a wonderful lightness within, the lightness that is the result of fully giving from the heart. Our own lightness of being can bring lightness into our whole family. Children love it when their parents are playful, funloving and joyful. Laughing together as a family is one of the most precious experiences in life. We need to focus of giving these gifts each day, not just during a holiday season or special occasions. These gifts are far more important than any material thing we can buy for someone. In fact, we might not be so focused on material gifts if we frequently give the gift of love – of caring, compassion, courage, service, creativity, and lightness of being.