Matchmaking for Marriage Relationship (II)

<b>Why employing matchmaking service</b>
   
Different people would have different reasons when going for matchmakers or matchmaking service. But certainly they have one common ground -- they are all serious love and marriage seekers desperately looking for long-term love and marriage relationships.

The following quotes nearly summarize almost all overt reasons why nowadays more and more people are employing matchmakers or matchmaking service:

"...Tired of chance meetings: Compatible Introductions will introduce you to many more compatible people that you could ever meet by chance in a relatively short period of time.
Time is a precious commodity in the 21st century: You don't want to waste time meeting people who have nothing in common with you.
Safety: All of our members are carefully pre-screened. We meet and interview all our new members personally.
Personalized and individual: we always inform you in advance personally before you are introduced to a compatible member.
No 'blind date': you see the person in a color photo before you are going to me.
Ready for Commitment: Our members are sincerely interested in finding a compatible mate.
You are selective: You want to know whom you are going to meet in advance.
You achieved your professional goals... now is the time to focus on your personal goals..."

"...Matchmaking services are a perfect alternative to pubs and clubs ... completely confidential and you know you are meeting genuine singles who are prepared to invest cash to meet someone suitable for a relationship or friendship..."

"...discreet, safe and caring way of finding a real relationship in today's uncertain environment..."

"...Most busy professionals don't have the time and resources for meeting other single, successful people outside of their own office, industry or social circle. A matchmaker has unique access to quality people.
A personal matchmaker can screen and pre-qualify the right matches for you similar to the way an executive recruiter screens candidates for a specific job.
It's all about TARGET MARKETING.
Sometimes, single people are guilty of selecting Mr. or Mrs. wrong over and over again. A matchmaker keeps you from repeating the same pitfalls of the past.
A personal matchmaker provides the privilege of a wide variety of choices. It's a 'numbers' game, but working with a matchmaker, there's an ongoing supply of highly desirable people to choose from.
It's more dignified and safe. You don't have to suffer the awkward indignity of blind dating or barhopping. With a matchmaker, you are guaranteed to meet people who you want to meet and who want to meet you one-on-one.
No more singles events, clubs or mixers with no guarantee of who you meet and/or if they'll measure up. A matchmaker caters to commitment-minded single men and women. Whether the goal is marriage or an exclusive relationship, an introduction service takes you beyond simply meeting new people. Its sole purpose is to introduce you to a sufficient number of pre-screened individuals who are more likely to be suitable matches.
A matchmaker represents many intangible aspects of a person's identity beyond what a simple photo and vital statistics could ever convey. And nobody likes the arrogance of someone tooting his or her own horn. Instead of bragging about yourself and all that you have to offer, let the experts do it for you in a much more objective and credible way..."

"Quality Singles... introduces you to great people you'd never meet on your own.
No Games - Online chat seldom works... for people who truly want to meet someone special and don't have time to play games.
Meet Serious Singles...don't just want to date. They are interested in meaningful long-term relationships."

Marriage Counseling: Using Games to Reduce Tension

Marriage is one of the most enjoyable but also one of the most painful experiences that people undergo. It carries with it the whiff of romance and eternal bliss, but sometimes you get a pack of thorns instead.

How Do You Ensure Your Marriage Is a Bed of Roses and not Thorns?
One of the major ingredients that a happy marriage needs is a willingness to compromise. But that is much more difficult than it seems. Everyone will agree that they need to compromise, but what happens when the issue is not a simple and tiny one? What then? Who Compromises first? I am sure you must have said to yourself at one point or another that enough is enough. You will no longer be the patsy. You are an independent person and your partner has crossed the line. Maybe.

Maybe your relationship has died and you are just beginning to realize it. Maybe your sentiments are more passionate than romantic. Maybe you no longer love her.

Stop being a fool!
What if I told you that the solution to your marital strife is not divorce. Am I mad?

Look around. How many divorces do you know? Plenty. Me too. But are they really happier off?

What is the first thing that a divorced person does? He or she goes out and starts looking for partners.

Isn't that strange? No. You say that everybody needs somebody to love. Maybe. I say that they had that somebody and they just let them go. So please stop being foolish.

Why not tackle your problems with a simple suggestion? A Game.

Games as a Peace Maker:
Playing brings out the child in us and causes us to express more than we normally would. We also release bottled up frustration and let go of mental thorns in our outbursts of joy and anguish as we win or lose. Games unite people together and therefore I suggest playing together but if you wish one can play against the other. The game turns into a battle but only this time, after its over, you will both feel refreshed from losing all that bottled up pain and anger.

Games to Pick From:
Try picking games that both of you like or at least somewhat active ones. You could even play hide and seek in the house or something else. If you do prefer playing cards, pick a game which does not go on for long and which requires some thinking like hearts, poker, bridge or rummy. Keep score and determine before hand that the loser has to do something for the winner. Chores is not a prize for the winner! If you lose you have to do something that that the other person wants for themselves like give them their favorite massage or cook them their favorite meal.

Conclusion:
Games are a welcome ambrosia to love and will excite you as a couple to disregard all your frustrations and anger and deal only with the good. The anger and frustrations will not magically disappear, but now you can deal with them together calmly and in a good mood.

How to Meet that Special Someone

Chances are unless you are very lucky you will go thru many different relationships before you find your special someone. Finding your sole mate is like gambling. In poker and blackjack you may have to play dozens of hands until you get a winning hand, and it is the same with relationships.

During your life you will probably meet some people who seem like they may be the one, or that they are close, but still have the feeling that something else is missing. My advice is that if you are not happy, because something seems like it is missing, then it usually is not right.

Before I found my special someone, I was in a relationship for over 10 years, and I thought everything was great, until I started to seriously consider getting married. Then I noticed that we had so little in common and in reality wanted so many different things out of life and one day we both realized there was much about each of us that we both wanted from someone, but it was not us that we wanted.

Then one day I decided I had enough of trying to go to clubs and bars to meet people. I was sick and tired of trying to find someone in the time it takes to finish a drink. It always seemed the ladies I would meet were all wrong for me, or they seemed great after talking to them for 5 minutes but they seemed to have no interest in me.

Then one day I had an idea, it was not an original idea but I decided to use the internet to try to find the right person for me. So I proceeded to make a myspace profile. On this page I tried to put the real me and not the funny guy trying to be charming that was looking for love at the bar.

And as I would at the poker rooms I went all in, I poured my heart and sole into this. I wrote what I wanted and wrote down who I truly think I am and not who I want to be, and I was rewarded by 1 email responding to my site.

It was amazing; the response I got was like a dream. Imagine you are sitting in a Las Vegas casino playing poker. You are down to your last few dollars, you go all in and you wind up being dealt a Royal Flush, and suddenly the sky is bluer, the grass is greener, and all your worries seem to just fade away.

At first things were a little awkward for the both of us. We decided to hold of on actually meeting until we got to know each other first. We spent a month just talking everyday on the internet. You can really open up to someone and show them the real you and not have to worry about rejection on the internet, after all you are just a faceless ghost, and if things don’t work out you could be sitting next to her on the bus one day without ever knowing it.

The key to finding happiness is realizing you are going to bust more then you are going to get blackjack, but you must keep trying, trying to remember you only need to find the real thing once.

Citas a Ciegas

Para todo aquel que busque encontrar su alma gemela, media naranja, amor, enamorarse, un compañero de emociones o como quieras llamarlo es algo difícil de encontrar. Para algunos desde ya no es algo complicado, les ha pasado a los 15 años, 18, 22, en fin ya comparten el día y la mayor parte de sus vidas con alguien desde hace mucho. A otros, sin embargo les es más complicado y duro de encontrar.

La experiencia de las citas a ciegas es algo inolvidable, bueno o malo puede ser interesante. Como dicen, la experiencia es cuando no encuentras lo que buscas. Sin embargo hay casos en que esta experiencia se vuelve en lo que uno busca.

Si eres de aquellos que creen en que un amigo, familia o alguien que te conoce puede llegar a tener a alguien con el cual encuentres lo que buscas, la pregunta es ¿Por qué no probar?

En mi caso personal, experimente varias citas a ciegas y amigas mías también lo hicieron. Algunas fueron sorprendentes, en el sentido de buenas y otras de malas. Es como un juego de ruleta una pequeña probabilidad en muchas de que salgas feliz o que algo interesante salga de ello.

Una amiga de mi mama quiso que conozca al hermano de su nuera. Cuando llegue al lugar de la cita y lo vi, rápidamente me di cuenta de que no era para mi pero quizás podía pasar un buen rato. El chico, trajo consigo un poema que había escrito y quería decírmelo. Era una situación muy rara e incomoda ya que el y yo no concordábamos en nada y no teníamos nada que ver. El problema era que la amiga de mi mama no me conocía tanto, y creía que si. Es por eso que la cita no funciono.

En el caso de mi hermana, al mudarse a un país nuevo la única forma de conocer gente y chicos era por medio de citas. Lo gracioso de la historia es que la señora de la lavandería le propuso salir con su hijo y ella acepto. Al llegar a la cita el chico tenía labio leporino y era nada atractivo en su aspecto. Mi hermana no podía disimular no mirar a su labio y en el medio de la cita encontró a otro chico en la mesa de enfrente que le gusto.

Mi amigo, que es gay y yo salimos hace unas semanas a una fiesta con una amiga mía. Los dos se hicieron amigos y ella le comento que tiene un amigo de su clase de la universidad que también es gay y es muy lindo. Entonces arreglaron que por que no se conocían. AL final de la noche intercambiaron teléfonos y quedo ella en hablar con su amigo. Su amigo acepto y se llamaron. Al encontrarse los dos no tenían nada de lo que hablar y el otro para hacer la cita más corto no pudo disimular su desinterés y hacia todo rápido para irse antes.

En fin, las citas a ciegas son algo que debes hacer si la persona que los conecta los conoce bien y puede llegar a saber que te gustara de la otra persona o que buscas. Sin embargo no hay certeza de que saldrás contento de una forma u otra. Puede pasar que de casualidad la persona te encante y que si tienes la mente abierta saldrás ganando.

Gift Baskets

Title: Gift Baskets Word Count: 339 Summary: One great way to let someone know they are special and being thought of is with the use of gift baskets. Keywords:Gift baskets, flowers, special occasions, love, family, presents, gifts, co-workers, work Article Body: In today's changing world, we find ourselves engulfed in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. To many of us, this leaves very little time to keep in touch with loved ones that may live many miles away, or even only a few miles away. One great way to let someone know they are special and being thought of is with the use of gift baskets. The uses of gift baskets to express ones feelings are endless. Many people send gift baskets during the holidays to let family and friends know that they are being thought of. Maybe a husband wants to pamper his wife on their anniversary with a gift basket of spa goodies. A wife could surprise her husband with a golf themed gift basket. Many times co-workers like to express appreciation for each others' efforts at the work place. A delicious fruit gift basket can be very pleasurable and a very personal gift to give or receive. Deciding what type of gift basket to give is easy. Simply think of what the person you are sending to is interested in! A gift basket can be customized to fit almost any interest or hobby. Another great idea for gift baskets is to follow the seasons. Gardening and sunbathing items and tools for spring and summer. Skin care and moisturizing products along with warm clothing and accessories for fall and winter. The opportunities and ideas for gift baskets are truly endless. They can also express appreciation and or love for the people receiving them. It is easy to get caught up in the day-to-day live activities. Take a few moments to reflect on those special people that you have lost touch with, but mean so much to you. Some great ideas for gift baskets: Themed to Encourage Hobbies Gift Basket Anniversary Gift Basket For an Emotional / Spiritual Boost Gift Basket To rekindle a Romance Gift Basket Thanks to Others Gift Basket (Co-workers) Teacher Gift Basket Baby Gift Basket Holiday Gift Basket Spa Gift Basket House Warming Gift Basket

Birthday Cards - Right Selection Is Important

All of us are becoming immune to the joy of birthdays. Unless it is our birthday, we show no interest in others to a great extent. Most of us have a list of friends and family members and on their birthday, we search the Internet, pick up an ecard and send it. Our duty is over. If by mistake, we miss the birthday, we will send a belated birthday wishes card. How do we expect to develop and maintain close relations with this kind of approach? Birthday cards can cement any relationship beyond imagination. Please use this occasion to do that. Every birthday comes only once a year. Don’t be sloppy on that day. Be alert and you will get great friends for life. Let us find out more about the magic of birthday cards.

Take the example of your birthday. You open your mailbox and find many ecards or cards sent to you. You begin clicking one after another. One card attract s you very much. After that all other cards for your birthday are forgotten except that one birthday card. Will you not remember the sender with great affection? Will you not love that person for his/her care in selecting a very good ecard and sending it to you? Will you not remember this card till your next birthday and look for the ecard sent by the same person first? That is the difference we make with small details and care.

Small things matter a lot. For us there is only our birthday that is important. For others it is their birthday. On that day, they feel joy. You have to add to that joy with your actions. Put little more effort in selecting the right birthday card and use it to enhance your bond. A small card can make a big difference. You will win a friend for your lifetime. Please pay attention to what others want, and you will get what you want from them.

Birthday - Right Day To Make Resolutions

We all make New Year resolutions. We draw a long list of do's and don'ts on the New Year eve. And manage to break most of the resolutions within one to two months. A birthday is only for celebrations. What if instead of making resolutions on New Year we make them on our birthdays? New Year is common to all, but birthdays are individual, and the resolution may therefore have a lasting impact.

These are my resolutions on my birthday. I wonder about how many readers will agree with them, but please read on. I will become a good person now onwards. I know that I am already a good person, but I will try to make myself better. I will not hurt anyone with my words or deed. I will be compassionate towards all and will control my anger as much as possible. I will release my love to all and keep my hatreds and dislikes to myself. I will try to do a work that gives me money but also gives something to the society. I will help everyone who I can help. I will work truthfully and be honest in my dealings with my co-workers even if that hurts me. I will try to donate to charities as much as I can and I will try to join some volunteer organizations to help society. I will pray for all and make confessions to God about my mistakes everyday. I will forgive all who hurt me and forget past acrimony. I don't know when death will approach me, so I will always be alert about my actions and act in the way that pleases my maker.

How about making some ecards with such resolutions and sending them to our friends on our birthday? We would be receiving lot many ecards on our birthday. In response, we can send a thank you card and add these resolutions or something else like this and send back to let others know of our resolutions? Birthday is the right time to make resolutions and improve our life.

A Gift for a Graduate

Throughout a person’s life there are certain moments that stand out more than others, engrained in their minds forever. This is a moment of great achievement that is the result of a lot of hard work and determination. For many people, one of these moments is their graduation. The stepping-stone to bigger and better things to come, to new horizons. Sometimes these experiences can be very emotional and exciting.

People hear the word "graduate," and they automatically thin high school. However,, graduates come in all shapes and sizes. Whether the graduate is a university student receiving a degree, a technical or trades student receiving a certificate, a student receiving their black belt or even a student finishing that challenging first year of kindergarten, their success deserves to be acknowledged.

Of course we always want to be there to share the experience with our loved ones and friends, however, many times this is simply not possible. How then can you be at two places at the same time? You can't. Not physically anyway. But why not consider the convenient tool of shopping online. Send a loved one or friend a great unique gift to express your love and pride in their achievement.

Some great example of unique gifts for graduates could be a beautiful flower bouquet, or a fresh flower arrangement celebrating their accomplishment. If sending flowers does not seem to fit, then why not try sending a more unique gift, a gift basket. Gift baskets can cater to one of their personal interests. This is very possible to do by using the Internet and online shopping to our advantage.

You might want to write down these special days on your calendar to ensure that they are not forgotten. Also allow yourself enough time to find the perfect flower bouquet or flower arrangement.

8 Ways to Create a Happy Family

You might disagree and say, “Lori Prokop what are you writing now?” But hear me out on this.

I believe finding happiness and success are more than just money.

If you are not finding happiness in your family, this is to remind you that you have the power to improve your life within your family.

Here are Lori Prokop’s 8 ways to create (or re-create) a happy family:

1) Start with yourself. Finding happiness starts by deciding that you will create the loving spirit that can create a happy family. Develop an energy and personality where simply your spirit and presence will heal others and rejuvenate your family.

2) Look at yourself. Ask yourself this question and give yourself a true answer: “Am I contributing to family happiness or unhappiness?”

3) Heal within any feelings of mistrust or anger. This can seem to be an impossible task. But it is achievable and vital to finding happiness and success.

People make mistakes. Some make them only once. Others repeat their mistakes over and over. Each person is doing the best they can at the emotional intelligence level they have achieved.

If someone is being hurtful, blameful, angry or attacking, they are living at a very low emotional intelligence level. That doesn’t mean you need to live in this painful place with them.

Practice treating everyone in the family with love. You may not be able to be around them because of their chosen personality or behaviors. You can pray, intend or send loving energy to them. They will receive it and the power of love will heal them in remarkable ways, often better than we could have dreamed.

4) Choose to live in the upper six levels of your Life Guidance System. You have 21 emotional levels. Fifteen create what you don’t want and six emotional levels create what you do want. People ask me, “Lori Prokop, how can I live in the emotional levels that create more of what I want and result in finding happiness?”

Don’t be a part of family problems. Heal yourself and become a cure. Don’t tell your family you have chosen to do this. Just do it. They will notice the difference. Your newly chosen emotional levels will create positive results. With your lead and example, your family members can learn to love and respect each other.

5) Encourage high regard for each other. Teach, by example, that each family member accepts all others and lets each be who they are.

With some wisdom and insight, it is easy to see how people’s personalities have developed. Even if you are repulsed by someone, it is possible to see why they act as they do.

When the development process and history of their personalities is respected, even the most difficult people lighten up. When people feel understood, they no longer feel the need to defend. Love and acceptance of each person’s history will create the feeling of goodwill and real understanding.

6) Have no certain expectations chiseled in stone. Rather, expect the best and be open to what that manifests as. When we expect something certain we are often limiting the outcome by our own limited thinking.

Do not expect everyone to change at once or that it will come easily. For some the change seems immediate, for others it can take time. For some healing will seem effortless, others will need to hit rock-bottom before they begin. For some letting go of harmful beliefs, hurtful thinking and destructive prejudices happens gradually, sometimes only after personal pain or disasters.

This is sometimes a challenge because we want things right now. Many times I say to myself, “Lori Prokop, why can’t these other people do the right things?”

Pray their healing will be a safe, loving and wonderful experience. The most important element is that someone must start the healing. It will pick up for others from there.

7) Believe in assistance from a Higher Power. This is a non-religious, non-denominational, spiritual step. Miracles can and will happen for those who ask for help from a Source of 100% pure light and love. Choose actions and options that are 100% pure light and love.

8) Intend only the best for each family member. One person using their power of intention by sending energy of 100% pure light and love to other family members, though he or she may do it without others knowing, will in time see others are motivated to improve their lives.

When the intention of 100% pure light and love becomes a family practice, members will grow deeper in spiritual connection and have an easier time finding happiness.

So here is what Lori Prokop believes. Ultimately, you can change even the toughest family situation for the better. You can help family member experience success and help yourself in the process of finding happiness.

What’s Love Got to do With it?

The following is an excerpt from the book The Culture Code by Clotaire Rapaille Published by Broadway Books; June 2006;$24.95US/$32.95CAN; 0-7679-2056-2 Copyright © 2006 Clotaire Rapaille I held imprinting sessions all over the country searching for the Code for love. During these sessions, I asked participants to focus on the word “love” without specifying whether I meant romantic love, parental love, sibling love, love of country, love of pets, or even love of a sports team. When I guided participants back to their first imprint though, a vast majority of them went to the same place. “My first experience with the word love, or related to love, was when I was four or five. In the kitchen, mother was preparing a cake, my favorite cake, a cheesecake. The smell was the smell of love. She opened the oven and I told her, ‘I love you!’ She closed the oven, came to give me a kiss, and told me, ‘I love you, too.’ Then she gave me a big portion of the cake and I knew she really meant it when she said, ‘I love you’.” -- 40-year-old man “Mother loved us so much, she cooked all Thanksgiving day. She was so happy to see her family all together again, around the table, eating . . . so much love around the table, so much food. We could not stop eating.” -- 36-year-old woman “When you are little, parents are there to care for and protect you. You have no care or worries. If something bad happens, your family is there for you. I miss this protection.” -- 58-year-old woman “The best way to describe my parents’ room is a nest. The carpet was light brown and the walls were blue. The bed was in the center of the room and had a huge white comforter. It was on this bed that I sat with my mother as a child and asked her about the world.” -- 21-year-old man “I remember lying in my mother’s lap in my early years. I remember talking with my mother and sharing caresses.” -- 65-year-old man Consistently, participants related their first experience of love to their mother’s care -- feeding them, holding them, making them feel safe. This is entirely understandable. After all, for nine months, our mothers provide us with the most perfect “resort hotel” imaginable. The room service is first-rate and available immediately upon demand, the space is neither too hot nor too cold, transportation is free, and there’s even a musical backdrop (her heartbeat) for entertainment. And even though we ultimately must leave this vacation paradise, our mothers are there for us to guide us through the transition, feeding us with their bodies, keeping us coddled and warm, taking us out to see the world, and providing numerous ways for us to occupy our time and delight in the act of learning. The nature of these responses was very consistent with the thinking of an adolescent culture. Adolescents, after all, flit from pressing for independence to acting like children throughout this period of their lives. When in the latter mode, they seek the succor (inwardly if not outwardly) of their mothers, the safe harbor provided by that all-encompassing love. Then there is the former mode, the mode that demands a rejection of home and the right to make one’s own mistakes. When I asked participants to recall their most powerful memories of love, different stories emerged. “I went to college. I was so happy. Free at last. But it did not go so well. First time I started drinking, I could not stop. Then I don’t know what happened next, I was so sick. None of the boys who were after me the night before were there to help me.” -- 50-year-old woman “I was 13 and I liked a boy but he liked someone else. This taught me a big lesson because I thought that I was prettier than her and she was fat, but I was spoiled and sometimes mean.” -- 24-year-old woman “My most powerful experience is when my parents decided to separate. I found out eavesdropping on their discussions late at night. Things were tense, but everyone wanted to be normal.” -- 37-year-old man “I have an image of a white beautiful horse and a blonde beautiful woman in a flowing crepe-like dress with a lush green forest and waterfall and a handsome man meeting and embracing her. I long to be that woman.” -- 38-year-old woman This was a different component of the adolescent experience: the part where experimentation leads to exhilaration and disappointment, to success and failure. The vast majority of these stories expressed some level of discomfort, of uneasiness with the events described, much in the way an adolescent describes experiences he doesn’t like and doesn’t understand. Remember, these stories were about the most powerful memory of love. Perhaps the most significant element of the adolescent experience, however, is the loss of innocence. There comes a point in every adolescent’s life when he realizes his ideals aren’t as gilded as they once seemed. This realization usually leads to new maturity and the acquisition of new coping tools. It also often comes, though, with a sense of disillusionment. When participants wrote of their most recent memory of love, they repeatedly told the story of lost ideals. “I know what boys want. They say they love you, but I know what they want.” -- A 35-year-old woman “I have three children from three different fathers who died in drive-by shootings. Before I die, I want once again to have a baby, to feed him, to love him, and to be loved unconditionally.” -- A 15-year old woman “I purchased a diamond for my girlfriend. I recall her taking it off in the car while we were arguing and I became infuriated. I took the ring and threw it out the window. I told her since it meant so little to her I threw it away.” -- 31-year-old man These three sets of stories -- the first imprint, the most powerful memory, and the most recent memory -- revealed a distinctly American pattern. Participants spoke repeatedly about the desire for love, the need for love, the belief in something called “True Love,” but they also spoke consistently about being disappointed in this quest. A very large percentage of the “most recent memory” stories spoke of loss, bitterness, and sadness. When it comes to love, Americans -- regardless of their ages -- view love the way an adolescent views the world: as an exciting dream that rarely reaches fulfillment. The American Culture Code for love is FALSE EXPECTATION. Without question, losing at love is an international experience. Even in cultures where marriages are arranged and courtship is rare, there are tales of forbidden love and the sad consequences when that love dies. In older cultures, though -- ones that passed through adolescence centuries ago -- the unconscious message about the expectations for love are very different. In France, the concepts of love and pleasure are intertwined. The French consider the notions of true love and “Mr. Right” irrelevant. The refinement of pleasure is paramount and romance is a highly sophisticated process. Love means helping your partner achieve as much pleasure as possible, even if this requires finding someone else to provide some of this pleasure. French couples can of course be devoted to one another, but their definition of devotion differs greatly from the American definition (fidelity, for instance, is not paramount) and their expectations are set accordingly. The Italians believe that life is a comedy rather than a tragedy and that one should laugh whenever possible. They expect love to contain strong dimensions of pleasure, beauty, and, above all, fun. If love becomes too dramatic or too hard, it is unsatisfying. The Italian culture centers very strongly on family and Italians put their mothers up on pedestals. To them, true love is maternal love. Therefore, their expectations for romantic love are lower. Men romance women, but seek true love from their mothers. Women believe that the best way to express and experience love is by becoming mothers. A man is “Mr. Right” as long as he provides a child. The Japanese offer perhaps the best illustration of the differences in attitudes toward love between an adolescent culture and an older culture. Japanese men and women often ask me to describe how westerners marry. I tell them that a young man meets a young woman (often one younger than he is himself) and they begin the process of getting to know one another. If he happens to fall deeply in love, the man will ask the woman to marry him, and if she loves him as well, she will say yes. (Obviously, it’s more complicated that this in practice, but I get the main points across this way.) Stunned expressions always meet this description. “The man is young?” the Japanese questioner will say. “If he is young, how can he possibly have enough experience to make a decision of this type? Only his parents can know what kind of marriage is appropriate for him and will allow him to raise the best family. And you say the woman is younger. That means she is even less experienced than he is!” They save their greatest contempt, though, for the notion that westerners marry for love. “Love is a temporary disease,” they tell me. “It is foolish to base something as important as the creation of a family on something so temporary.” This is still the prevalent sensibility in Japan today, even though the “content” of the Japanese culture has changed. While Japanese teens might date more often than their parents did and might spend more time meeting up at clubs, most marriages are still arranged, and few have anything to do with romance. While this all might sound terribly harsh to American ears, there is at least some logic in this sentiment. While nearly half of all American marriages end in divorce, the Japanese divorce rate is less than 2%. This is not to suggest that older cultures automatically have a clearer vision of the world. In fact, as you will see over the course of this book, there are many instances where the “adolescent” approach is the more effective one. When it comes to love, however, it is obvious that the American culture is currently in an uneasy place. A woman searches for “Mr. Right” because she believes the stories she reads in books or watches at the movies, finds someone she believes she can “change” into her ideal man, and disappointedly sees her efforts fail. A man searches for “Ms. Perfect” for many of the same reasons, finds a woman who excites him, believes it will stay this way forever, and becomes disappointed when motherhood takes her interests elsewhere. This quest for perfection is, of course, on Code -- our cultural unconscious compels us to have unrealistically high standards for love. However, as that 50% divorce rate indicates, the Code isn’t making our lives easier. Here is a case where an understanding of the Code can help those frustrated by love to go off Code in a productive manner. If you realize your unconscious expects you to fail, you can begin to look at love with more sensible goals. While understanding and respecting the tug to find “Mr. Right” or “Ms. Perfect,” one can look for someone who can be a partner, a friend, and a caring lover who can’t possibly fulfill all of one’s needs. A prominent diamond company deals with the Code in a distinctive fashion. One component of its marketing focuses on the “false expectations” the American subconscious feels about love: its ads feature couples using diamonds to profess their forever love or to confirm their commitment after years together. Another component of its marketing, however, deals with the consequences of false expectations in a clever manner: highlighting the investment and re-sale value of diamonds. Both campaigns are strongly on Code, addressing our undying belief in the permanence of romantic love and providing a useful benefit when that belief fails to pan out. Excerpted from The Culture Code by Clotaire Rapaille Copyright © 2006 by Clotaire Rapaille. Excerpted by permission of Broadway, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher. Author Dr. Clotaire Rapaille is the chairman of Archetype Discoveries Worldwide and has used this decoding approach for thirty years.. He is the personal adviser to ten high-ranking CEOs and is kept on retainer by fifty Fortune 100 companies. He has been profiled in many national media outlets, including 60 Minutes II and on the front page of the New York Times Sunday Styles section. He lives in Tuxedo Park, New York.