The Art Of Getting Your Kids To Talk To You

Being a parent isn't easy. Some days just getting everyone in your family all together at the same time for dinner can seem like the "impossible dream". Between after school sports and clubs and working and errands and carpools, it's not surprising that almost half of the parents in a recent survey said they feel a growing distance between themselves and their children.

Today's children have more things to deal with than kids did even twenty years ago. Drugs, violence, mixed messages in advertising, peer pressure, packed schedules and outside activities all add to the pressure they face.

So how, in the midst of all this chaos, do you find time to talk to your kids -- and more importantly, have them talk back to you?

Here are several ideas that can help:

1. Eat dinner together as a family at least three times a week. Conversations flow easier when they happen around the dinner table. If your family is conversationally-challenged in the beginning, think of conversation starters before each meal. Plan a family vacation, letting each child talk about where they'd like to go, or what they'd like to do. Talk about current events, the latest movies or upcoming special events. Ask your children open-ended questions that have to be answered with more than yes or no.

2. Turn off the outside world. Set aside "family time" each night and have everyone turn off their phones, the computers and the television. Let your friends and extended family know that you won't be available during that time, and stick to it. Your kids (especially teenagers) may joke about it, but secretly they'll probably be delighted. Use this time to reconnect with each other. Watch a movie, play board games, take turns reading out loud, but whatever you do, do it together.

3. Cook at least one meal a week together. Even your youngest children can do something to help. If your kitchen is too small for everyone to fit, schedule a "helper" or have your children be responsible for different parts of the meal. Your family will grow closer during this time, and your kids may even start the conversations themselves. (You can always get the ball rolling by talking about things you did with your parents. While you may not be cool, chances are your kids think your parents are, and will be impressed).

4. Make it safe for your kids to talk to you. Let them know that you won't get angry or upset if they talk to you about what's going on. If they tell you something "off the record" then let it stay that way. (Emergencies and dangerous situations aside).

5. Listen to what they have to say. If you're working, or doing something else when your child starts to talk to you, they may give up if they know your attention is really somewhere else. Give them your undivided attention when they're speaking.

6. Use active listening skills. Make sure that you understand what your child is telling you. Repeat what they told you and ask questions.

7. Set aside special time to spend with each child. It may be nothing more than taking one child at a time with you when you run errands, but let each child know that you value spending special time with them.

8. Be patient. Don't expect a "perfect" family. If you're not June Cleaver and your husband isn't Howard Cunningham, it's okay. Just remember that perfect families really don't exist outside of television re-runs.

Just keep trying, and you'll learn the art of conversation with your kids isn't as hard as you thought!

Vital Records - A Brief Overview - Part 1

Birth, Death and Marriage Records

The foundation of genealogy or family history research is birth, death and marriage records. It is these vital records of life's significant events that we turn to when we begin to seek out the knowledge of our ancestry. These public records and others such as the Social Security Death Index (SSDI), offer access to genealogical information that may not be available from any other source.

The Social Security Death Records constitute a data base of around 65/70 million names, most of which belong to the period from 1962 to 1988. This library of archived data is being constantly added to.

Using these <strong>family search tools</strong> you should be able to:

<ul>

    <li>Distinguish between people with the same name</li>
    <li>Identify your ancestors</li>
    <li>Establish birth, death and marriage data, such as dates and places</li>
    <li>Learn the occupation and place of residence of ancestors</li>
    <li>Prove/disprove the validity of other records</li>
    <li>Find subtle clues to assist your research</li>

</ul>
If <strong>family history</strong> (genealogical research) is something that you are just becoming interested in, then the best place to start is with yourself. Write your own name on a piece of paper with your birth date and place, and now add what you know about your parents and grandparents, and so on, until you have exhausted your immediate knowledge.

Next, if your parents are alive and you can meet with them face to face, take a piece of paper with you and have them exhaust their knowledge of names, dates and places. Repeat this with all living relatives. Write to those you cannot visit.

How To Be A Closer Family

Family should always be first, but it's easy to forget what matters most in today's hectic world. The greatest gift we can give our children is being part of a healthy, loving family as it is their foundation and security especially in times of need. Children will always need a safe haven and the home should provide that for them. Creating a happy and safe environment is easier than most people think. I hope the following will help get you started.

Give your children the opportunity to speak openly and freely about their concerns and troubles. This is a sure-fire way to increase your family's closeness. Maintain honesty and you will find that problems get solved quickly and easily. Instilling open communication in your children will also help them in all aspects of their lives later on. "Listen" with an open heart and a willing spirit. Don't judge the thoughts and feelings of other family members. Instead, try to understand where they are coming from and figure out solutions to ease their problems.

Spend quality time together each week. Many parents have full-time jobs and it's difficult to fit in time for relaxation and leisure, however, it's very important you make time for your family. Discuss what things the family would like to do together. Try to pick activities that encourage talking and interaction like bowling for example will enhance relations better than silently watching a movie in a theater. Try to keep the activity lighthearted and fun. Laughter bonds better than anything and its affects will ripple throughout your life.

Chores doesn't sound like it will bring a family closer, but one would be amazed to see what it can do. Having a clearly defined list of responsibilities for each member of the family will ease frustration and resentment. It will also encourage family members to get involved with household responsibilities and teach them that teamwork is important. Be sure to put the list up in a place that everyone will see easily and make a point of congratulating people when they do something well.

There are many ways to gain closeness within your family. These three steps are designed to give you a head start and help you create the family life you have always wanted. Initiate conversation with your family and get their ideas and suggestions for gaining a closer relationship. Always be open and willing to listen and work together. It won't always be easy, but it will always be worth it.

Family History More Popular And Easier Than Ever

Family history is becoming a more popular pastime, especially now that the Internet has made researching your ancestry easier than ever. More than 60 percent of the U.S. Population is interested in tracing family history, according to a 2000 poll by Maritz Marketing Research Inc. This is a 15 percent increase from 1995. This number has most likely increased since then. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints provides a number of helpful resources for family history enthusiasts. One of the best resources for family history on the Internet is www.familysearch.org. According to the website it is “the largest collection of FREE family history, family tree and genealogy records in the world.” This website is the result of decades of research and includes 957 million names. The Family Search website also gives some advice for beginning your family history. It says: Begin with yourself and your immediate family by recording information you already know. Look for important documents such as birth certificates, marriage licenses, and death certificates. When you have written down all the names, dates, places, and relationships you know, then ask your parents, grandparents, other relatives, and family friends for information. Gather as much information from living sources as possible. Then begin to search for records that other people may have compiled about your family (such as published family histories, county histories, and genealogical databases). When you have examined these sources of information, begin your search for records from the time and place your ancestors lived (look for census data and vital records such as birth, marriage, or death certificates). The LDS church also provides family history research centers at 4,407 sites around the world. These facilities are essentially branches of the Family History Library located in Salt Lake City. They provide access to almost all of the microfilms and microfiche from the central library. These family history centers also have volunteers that will help visitors with their genealogical research. Mike Provard, North American Operations Supervisor for Family History Centers says that in many centers the majority of the patrons are not members of the LDS church. “In the eastern U.S., 90 to 95 percent of the patrons [in some centers] are not members. They are thrilled to have the centers in the area.” (“Family History Centers Spreading,” Ensign, February 2006, 74). The LDS church definitely provides more resources, records, facilities and tools than any other source for genealogical research. There are, however, a good number of other free family history resources that can be found on the internet. You'll have to be fairly diligent though as some of these sites can be difficult to find. One site that may be useful in your search of the Social Security Death Index is: www.newenglandancestors.org/research/database/ss/. This site will allow you to search the SSDI for free. As millions of people begin to look for their ancestors and want to know more about them, the resources and tools available to them are more readily available and easier to use then ever. Now is a great time to start your search.

Digging up Your Family Roots: Part 1

Digging up Your Family Roots: Part 1

You’ve begun delving into your family history. You’ve already filled in all the names of your great-grandparents on your family tree. You’ve begun collecting the legal documents that record the milestones of your ancestors’ lives: birth, marriage and death certificates. You’ve even located your family in a few census records. But before you push further back, why not stop and really get to know these people? After all, that’s the purpose of tracing your family roots: knowing more about your ancestors. If you have names, dates and records through your great-grandparents, you have fifteen lineal ancestors to get to know, both living and dead. To get to know your deceased ancestors better, you have to dig deeper on the paper trail. To better acquaint yourself with your living ancestors, start conducting oral history interviews. Both of these techniques are explained in more depth in this set of articles. Part one will discuss digging deeper on the paper trail, while part two is an introduction to conducting oral history interviews. Digging up Your Family Roots: Filling in Your Ancestors’ Lives Documentary support is vital in genealogical research. Even the oral histories of your living relatives will require supporting documents, which they would hopefully be able to provide for you. While these documents include things like birth, marriage and death certificates, it will involve more than just these documents to get to know your deceased ancestors better. This part of your research might begin with your oldest living relative. He or she might be able to tell you of books or newspaper articles mentioning relatives, even if he or she doesn’t have copies of them. The resources your relatives share with you are also a good starting place, including newspaper clippings, photos, books, Bibles, journals, etc. Newspapers are an excellent resource. If your relatives have provided you with clippings describing a big event, locate the actual newspapers (usually on microfilm or microfiche by now) and search the following days for follow-up stories. For example, I have a great-great-great uncle who was a police officer. He was shot and killed in the line of duty. Not only do we have newspaper records of the stories about him, but we also have stories about the criminal who shot him: the pursuit, the murder of my relative, the shootout, the dynamiting of his hideout, the holding cell, the trial. This event happened nearly a century ago, yet we have it well documented. The Internet is a good place to start your search. Search engines may be able to provide reliable and helpful information, or even photographs of ancestors. However, as with all things on the Internet, don’t trust everything you read, and do record the URL or source of all information. To find newspaper clippings offline, use indexes of newspapers from areas where your relatives lived. An excellent resource might be the obituary of deceased relatives. You’ve already gathered the death date and place, so you know where and when to look to find the obituary in their local newspaper. Many places are served by more than one newspaper, so search all those you can find. The availability of other milestones like birth, engagement and wedding announcements vary, but try to find those as well. If possible, search for your surname in the newspaper index. Be sure to check for “alternative” spellings of your last name as well. Newspaper resources are only one resource. Military, probate, immigration, court, deed, and church records are each invaluable sources of information. It might be wise to employ a professional genealogy research service to help you with these aspects of your family history. Not only will this save you time, but you can benefit from professional genealogists’ years of experience. Professional genealogy research can be well worth the cost when it means that you get to spend more time reading about your ancestors and getting to know them and less time looking for your resources and getting to know the archives. The largest repository of genealogical data is the Family History Library (FHL) in Salt Lake City, Utah. Run by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, this resource can be a one-stop genealogical gold mine. However, traveling to Salt Lake may not be in your budget. Retaining the services of a professional genealogy researcher located near the FHL is another way to take advantage of the millions of records found there. Real family history research is more than recording names and dates. Digging up your family roots is more than gathering birth, marriage and death certificates. The goal of family history is coming to know your ancestors better. Start getting acquainted by fleshing out your family roots for both your living and dead ancestors.

15 Resources For Tracing Your Family Ancestry

If you're like me, when you were young, looking beyond your mother and father to find out where you came from just wasn't important.

Well, I've found that the older you get, the more important your ancestry becomes. I'm not sure why. Maybe I have a broader perspective on things now. Maybe I'm just curious as to whether there was nobility in my family. Perhaps I'm looking for some closet skeletons.

Whatever my reasons, I do find tracing my ancestry fascinating. It is so interesting to learn about other people--how they lived, what they did, who they knew. But I've also learned along the way that most people haven't a clue what resources are available to them beyond the usual - interviewing family, checking birth certificates and newspapers, etc.

So here I've compiled a list of 25 resources you should take advantage of if you're really serious about finding out "where you came from."

1.The obvious, of course, is interviewing family members; not only mom and dad, but aunts, uncles, distant cousins. Start by drawing a quick family tree going back just two generations and start making calls or sending mail or emails. Here are some of the basic things you'll want to know:

Complete names (married and maiden names)

Addresses throughout their live

Birth records

Military service (when and where)

Marriage records (even attendants, if possible)

Property records (state and county)

Burial records (where)

Old pictures, especially if they have names and dates

2.Family bibles. While it doesn't seem to be such a common practice these days, in the past, families kept their bible forever, often keeping record of family members, births, marriages, and deaths on pages within the bible.

3.Old family letters. Once again, with technology, we've all but lost the art of letter writing (what will our own children and grand children have to look back on in years to come?). But older generations tended to preserve letters of importance. These letters can oftentimes be of great value in tracing your ancestry. They may contain important dates, facts, and places that will be of help. Check return addresses and postmarks for information.

4.Legal documents are a great resource. Such documents include deeds (property addresses), wills (names of kin you may not have known about), marriage licenses (note the witnesses), birth certificates, voter registration, adoption records, and even judgements. Your search for these documents should begin with state and county records.

5.What about associations your ancestors may have belonged to? These would include churches, clubs, veterans groups and lodges, all of which may be able to provide background information for your search.

6.Census data. After 1840 the Census collected age, place of birth, occupation, personal wealth, education, spouse, children, hired hands, and even immigration information. Copies of the original decennial census forms from 1790 through 1930 are available on microfilm for research at the U.S. National Archives and Records Administration in Washington, DC (http://www.archives.gov/), at Archives regional centers, and at select Federal depository libraries throughout the United States.

7.Naturalizations records.
For Pre-1906 Naturalizations:
Contact the State Archives for the state where the naturalization occurred to request a search of state, county, and local courts records.

Contact the NARA regional facility that serves the state where naturalization occurred to request a search of Federal court records.

For Naturalizations After 1906:
After 1906, the courts forwarded copies of naturalizations to the Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS). Naturalizations from Federal Courts are held in the NARA's regional facilities for the Federal courts for their area. Learn more: http://www.archives.gov/genealogy/naturalization/

8.Grave sites. Headstones will give dates and possible family names.

9.Libraries. Here you'll find newspaper articles (look for obituaries, and birth and marriage announcements) and books on local history (what was taking place during their life). Many libraries can be accessed online. You will also find genealogy information in several libraries, the Allen County Public Library in Indiana having the second largest genealogical collection in the US. Another good source is the Family History Library in Salt Lake City, UT.

10.Genealogy message boards. Google "genealogy message boards" and join in--you'll find a wealth of information available!

11.Military records. You'll find several sources online, including NARA (http://www.archives.gov/st-louis/military-personnel/).

12.High school and college yearbooks. These sources can help locate a relative or provide other resources for your search. Check online.

13.Family pedigrees. These are family groups already linked in a computer system. Accessing an individual's family group sheet in a linked pedigree will also give you access to all of the records that are linked to that individual. Two great sources are Kindred Connections (http://www.kindredkonnections.com/index.html) and the Family History Library (http://www.familysearch.org/Eng/Library/FHL/frameset_library.asp).

14.U.S. Immigration records. Two great sources are Ellis Island Records (http://www.ellisislandrecords.org/) and Ancestry.com (http://www.ancestry.com/search/rectype/default.aspx?rt=40)

15.Social Security Death Index. This is a database of people whose deaths were reported to the Social Security Administration (SSA) beginning about 1962. The best source is RootsWeb.com (http://ssdi.rootsweb.com/?o_xid=0028727949&o_lid=0028727949&o_xt=41534187).

Now that you're all grown up and interested in finding your "roots", these 15 resources should get you well on your way. It'll be a fun and rewarding adventure.