Why do we need some good old fashion advice

Problems are part of life that come in different shapes and sizes --- minor inconveniences to crisis situations that no one can even outrun or wish away. There is no other way to escape these trials of faith and sanity other that to face them head on.

Among the difficulties faced by people everyday, none is so distressing and painful as a relationship problem. Often, these relationship squabbles cause so much stress and depression. The fight between couples can become so overblown that the only way for the fight to end is for a mediator to come in. Sometimes, a mediator is needed as a third party “referee” or “peacemaker.” The mediator is also expected to provide the feuding parties the necessary guidance and counseling.

Still, many who are involved in a tussle refuse to acknowledge the need for counseling. Whether it is a married or engaged couple, siblings, or very close friends who suddenly became bitter enemies – the thought of seeking professional help just does not come to mind. Many are held back from asking for counseling due to the following reasons:


l State of Denial – Angry people sometimes deny the existence of a problem. With stubborn pride, an angry person can just fume away and dismiss the need to control anger and resolve a problem by saying that, “...this too shall pass.” People can also camouflage or mask their vulnerabilities by refusing to seek help. They see counseling as a situation that will expose themselves for who they are --- warts and all. That kind of vulnerability is avoided at all costs and, as a result, people who need help enter into a state of denial.


l Social Stigma – Most people have a misconception that only “crazy” or “insane” people go to therapy. This mindset prevents a lot of people from getting the help they need because they value more “what others think” about them rather than what they need emotionally and psychologically. They fail to see the value of professional counseling which is expected to be objective, scientific, and results-oriented.

l Plain Fear – The fear of facing the truth and reliving painful experiences like sexual abuse, physical abuse, drug addiction, or trauma from violent incidents prevent people from coming to a counselor. Remembering painful memories are usually part of counseling sessions and therapy. These memories cause fear and anxiety on the part of the patient. But if a person in great stress or someone who is suffering from severe depression neglects to get proper therapy, it can be expected that the problem would get worse. Reopening a painful emotional wound is never pleasant but we will never be healed unless we learn to face and eventually cast away all painful memories of the past. Through counseling, people with serious problems can learn to adjust and cope with their present emotional and psychological struggles.

l Religious Stigma - Some associate counseling with religion or dogmatic beliefs, making the act of getting counseling uncomfortable for those who are not religious or are not into spirituality. While so many people have found comfort and refuge in church-based counseling sessions, many are still wary of getting counseling there since they think they will have to become a member of the church.


Some people are strong enough to face life's storms while others need to counseling to cope with problems. Either way, both take time and commitment so that one can see positive results, and hopefully, a resolution of problems that make life challenging.

The Ties That Bind Us Together

The bestselling author and humorist Erma Bombeck perfectly defined the concept of a family when she wrote: “We are a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.” Perhaps the common answer to the question, “What is a happy family?” can be answered in six words: nice home, enough money, good relationships. Some would say that even if troubles come, the family always stays together to face life as a “team.” The importance of the family simply cannot be overstated. The family is where we find historical roots, a sense of comfort and security, acceptance, love, and mutual support. But the reality is that not all families turn out to be happy and everyone has a family waiting for them at home. Many families experience heartbreak and break-ups, leaving the married couple and their children in a state of depression. Aside from separation and divorce, many families also struggle with other problems like the death of a loved one, financial difficulties, and parent-child conflicts. Having a family problem is one of the most difficult experiences in life. When a person loses the intense love, trust, and all the things in between --- all hope crumbles and emotional darkness sets in. Dealing with such an ordeal can be especially hard for someone who is prone to lose emotionally control and stability. Individuals with depression is a mental condition that makes a person feels no energy at all. They are deprived of being in a state of “happiness.” When dealing with depression, one cannot concentrate on their everyday activities. Often, they are psychologically paralyzed by their family problems. Inside the family, depression becomes the pervading atmosphere as problems mount and resolution of these problems seem far from coming. Seeing one family member saddled by depression can make them feel depressed in some way too. Managing depression within a family can be a really tough undertaking. In many cases, people with depression may need outside help. When dealing with depression, the family's first priority is to fully stop whatever depressive thoughts that one family member might have. Some families solve this kind of ordeal through open communication. It is important for each member to know each other's responsibilities, activities, and issues that concern other family members. Being open to one another will open a window of familiarity, sense of understanding, and love. Still, others need help that can only be had through family counseling. Counseling is crucial for families that are experiencing relational, psychological, and financial difficulties. It is essential to be open and share all the issues that the family is having so that the counselor can provide meaningful ideas and suggestions on how to the depressed or troubled family can cope with their problems and eventually regain their sense of happiness and fulfillment.

Helping Children Cope with their Parents' Divorce

Not everyone is blessed with a complete and happy family. It is quite acceptable to see broken families, children dealing with step mothers or step fathers, or children dealing with a single parent. Divorce is acquired by most couples who cannot deal with their relationship anymore, or simply cannot work things out between them any longer. When this happens, their children are the ones who suffer the most. They now encounter a state of depression, wherein they tend to think about what they had before as a family, their connection, their close relationship between each other. This often links to even more decrease in their happiness, causing further psychological problems if not dealt with as soon as possible. When dealing with divorce, the couple themselves need to analyze and think of what is going to happen with regards to their shared finances, their house, and most especially the custody of their children. It is critical for each parent to know what the their children are feeling, since this is a state of anxiety not just for them, but also for their kids. Of course, feelings of depression cannot be avoided by everyone, since their lives are about to change, hopefully for the better. But divorce is a hard stage to manage because all family members involved have feelings of anxiety and sometimes depression, which could make things even worse to handle or accept. Children with divorced parents can truly be unpredictable. Some may show optimism by showing that they are independent and mature with regards to their parent's condition. This can be seen when children are of proper age, and can understand this kind of predicament. Others may react differently, showing no emotions whatsoever. This situation must be guarded accordingly, since the child may suffer from anxiety or depression but is not capable of letting it all out yet. In this case, it is wise to let the child into family counseling, a good way to communicate and interact with their thoughts and emotions. In this way, they may be able to express what they are truly feeling about the situation, and the respective counselor can assess the child's behavior and can give an appropriate evaluation of the child. This can really help in finding peace within the child himself, and can also make him easier to accept the unfavorable situation. Younger children requires at least one from the couple to be with them during these kinds of situations since they cannot take care of themselves without having at least a parent nearby. It would be recommended to try and talk to the child in a nice and loving manner, simplifying the events that are taking place. The child needs to know why his parents are not together anymore, so that he may not fall into a state of depression. Giving extra time and effort to the children can be of great help to their emotional healing. Children should be given the attention they need. Being able to communicate well with your children, asking them about their everyday lives, and just to be a part of their life can have a huge impact on their upbringing. Parents should continue to see, talk, and love their children even when the only option to take is divorce.