Clothesline Fresh – Country Myth Breaker # 17

Clothesline fresh, country fresh scent, smells like a country garden, those of us from the city have all seen our share of country clad laundry soap commercials. The token red barn glows in the distance. Closer in, clothes adorn the line. Each piece is so straight and evenly spaced you’d believe a team of sophomore geometry students hung them as their final class projects. Even more perfect, the lightest of breezes launches an ‘oh so soft’ billow along the stain free front row.

Even I think, who wouldn’t want their clothes to be clothesline fresh? And, don’t those people own underwear? Ahhhh! I use my clothesline. I must. There is not a man in the five-state region willing to rise to the challenge of touching my daunting propane line and antiquated fuse box. Like my outhouse, my dryer is purely ornamental.

Despite this forced march to my clothesline the results can be startlingly adequate. Yet as a good Cidiot (city idiot), It would be negligent of me if I did not point out a few hazards of clotheslines to budding country converts. Beware, hanging your skivvies in the wild is not all its cracked up to be. Consider these dilemmas.

Seven of Ten Birds Prefer to Defecate Out of Doors – Avian species have a remarkable instinct for textile quality. Anyone doubting this should hang their Thai Silk robe on one end of the clothesline. Put a flannel shirt on the opposite side. At the end of the day tally the results.

Sheets Attract Wind – Kids have a new kite? You can plan your day around it, guaranteed! Just wash your bedding in the morning and place it on your line. Rest assured, Mariah herself will blast through your backyard. Kites, bedding, lingerie, pugs - anything with a flat surface will dance its way through the sky, only to impale itself in full display atop the silo of your local feed mill.

Remember the One Foot Rule – Most educated people know the three second rule. No matter where in your home you drop a piece of silverware, if you can retrieve it in three seconds or less you can eat off it without rinsing first. The one-foot rule, however, is only taught in rural school districts. It goes like this: Any textile on a clothesline that sags to within 12 inches of sweet Mother Earth, via the wind or any other means, must immediately be scent marked by every male canine (dogs, coyotes, wolves or prairie dogs) inside a three mile radius.

Animals Have Hair – Strangely enough farms are inundated with animals. Go figure. With all due respect to clothespins, they do little to remove hair. It takes four fabric softener sheets and a small nuclear plant to fluff out an intricate weaving of fur and feathers. During the spring shed I keep a HAZMAT team on stand by just to clean my lint traps.

Remodeling Your House? – You can save a fortune in costly building materials. Just hang your cotton towels out to dry on the clothesline. Not only will they dry stiff enough to be use as support beams, the bird shit will act as an adhesive for roofing projects.

Remember on that warm spring day, when the cottonwoods are spawning and your best angora sweater has just hit the line, imagine, within a matter of hours it will be more than you ever dreamed possible. And, as always, it will smell ‘clothesline fresh!’

Lemon Oil - Not Just for Furniture

I have had a successful cleaning business for nigh onto twenty five years. As a result I have learned many secrets. As I get closer to retiring from my business, I plan to reveal some of those secrets. One such trade secret is the many ways Lemon Oil furniture polish can be useful. First and foremost Lemon Oil on furniture does an excellent job of nourishing & protecting your low luster furniture. The oil leaves a beautiful shine, and prevents fine wood finishes from drying out. Lemon oil replaces lost moisture in older wood surfaces and penetrates worn finishes. Wood furniture should be polished at annually and lemon oil is a my product of choice. Be sure to pick a brand of lemon oil that polishes without the use of waxes, silicones, or harmful solvents. An added feature of the popular brands is that of a sunscreen to keep your furniture from fading. When polishing with lemon oil, I recommend putting a small amount on a soft, non-abrasive cloth (old t-shirts make great dust cloths) and applying onto the wood surface. I do not recommend using lemon oil on high gloss veneers. On heavily soiled surfaces such as painted wood, plastic-laminated surfaces, fiberglass shower stalls and glass shower doors spray a small amount of lemon oil on the surface before spraying with the all purpose cleaner of choice. The lemon oil penetrates deeper and loosens the dirt. The combination of oil with your cleaner will result in a cleaner surface in half the time. After cleaning shower stalls and doors, rinse well in order to get rid of excess oil. Dry surface and wipe with a cloth that has been treated with a very small amount of lemon oil to prevent hard water stain build-up. The thing to remember is to use a very small amount and not to use it on the tub or shower floors or you will make it slippery. When cleaning offices which have many large leather chairs I would simply wipe the arms and top of chairs lightly with a treated cloth and it would wipe the dust and leave a nice protective shine. The office chairs get a lot of wear, especially on the arms and just a light rub with the oil helped to preserve the leather and prevent splitting. I once cleaned a chiropractor’s office and there were many leather tables. Some of them were starting to split and wiping them with a lemon oil treated cloth retarded the splitting.. When cleaning house, lemon oil was invaluable. My oil treated cloth would quickly wipe away the beginning signs of tarnish on silver and brass knickknacks. This served to extend the length of time between thorough cleanings. The face of the microwaves which would get so greasy from fingerprints would wipe to a clean and brilliant shine with my magical lemon oiled cloth. Stainless steel is another troublesome surface to clean. It gets smudged and smears easily. There are several good products made specifically to clean stainless. However, you will find that these cleaners are all oil based products. Cleaning professionally, economy was a factor to consider. Also I had to consider how many products I could fit in my kit. Therefore the fewer products that would give the same results the better. I found that a cloth treated with lemon oil did wonders for wiping out smears and smudges on stainless steel leaving a spot free shine. Even marble surfaces can be brought to a smudge free brilliant shine with lemon oil. One more use I want to mention is the cleaning of scuff marks on floors. On wood floors use a very minimal amount on a soft cloth or sponge and rub ever so gently to remove stubborn scuff marks. On other floors you can use a little more and rub a little harder. The oil lifts the scuff marks like magic and then mop as usual. When I first starting selling on ebay, I would come across some very old musty items that had been stored in basements and attics.. Spraying a cloth with a small amount of lemon oil and wiping the items would clean the items and aid in removing water stains. This worked well on old vinyl and leather items, although the color would darken a bit. I would suggest that you always test an inconspicuous area first. An added benefit to cleaning these items with lemon oil was the pleasant citrus fragrant that lingered. In extreme mildew, a hint of the mildew odor remained. However, in most cases there was always a definite improvement. I could also salvage many hard covered books by wipe the outside with a cloth that had been pre-treated in lemon oil. It would help to remove any water stains. Of course you would not attempt to wipe the pages. If the book had any old labels, like book store stickers that had been partially worn away the lemon would dissolve the glue and remaining label. The oil did darken the color of the book cover a little. Again the key factor is to use just a little and not to put the oil on the book but on the cloth. The important thing to remember when using the lemon oil is ‘less is best’. I always treated a cloth with the oil and kept it in a plastic baggie. It would be enough to last through the whole days worth of cleaning, sometimes longer. Today you can purchase lemon oil in premoistened wipes if that is your preference. I would be careful using such wipes on surfaces like leather or shower stalls as there may be too much oil in the wipes. I still prefer treating my own clothes. Whichever you use, lemon oil has many uses in cleaning professionally or for your own personal use.